(Un) Happy New Year

It's almost comical how I think every year is the worst year of my life.

This year is no different. It has been one nightmare after another, in fact, it's the whole reason I started my blog back in February. I needed a place to vent about how awful the new year was going. I had no idea it was only going to get worse.

I'm not going to list all the problems I've been moaning about in the past year. I'm going to talk about something a little more recent.

I never brought this up before because I didn't want the agony to affect all aspects of my life. This blog was one place where I could escape from the drama.

But, it's kind of twisting my life into a nightmare, so I have to talk about it.

There is a girl who has been obsessed with my boyfriend for the past two and a half years. She lives in another state. She found him on facebook, back when he used to have one.

After sending him an insane number of texts and e-mails, he finally told her to leave him alone. She did not listen. So, I sent her a very polite e-mail telling her to stop bugging my boyfriend.

She recently sent me a scathing e-mail back that is so scary, it makes me think she is unstable. I can't even repeat anything she said here.

Then, to get more revenge, she interfered with my personal life. You see, this morning I got an e-mail from Facebook stating that SOMEONE e-mailed them stating my profile had objectionable content on it. Since Facebook has billions of users, they could not investigate each unique incident, but instead simply deleted accounts.

So, they deleted my account.

This is a facebook account I have had for five years. I did not have any objectionable content on it at all, especially since I was friends with my boss and coworkers. I am always very careful about what I put on it.

I'm in shock. Five years worth of messages, photos, and contact information are gone from me forever. That website was the main tool of communication I had with my cousins, former coworkers, high school friends, and college friends. And now it's all gone.

So now if I'm lucky Facebook will let me rebuild a new profile, but it's going to take a very long time to find all the friends I accumulated over the past five years. And I will never get all those photos back. My college graduation photos, my birthday photos, vacation photos, are all gone for good. I'm devastated.

All because of her. This girl who hates me. She's never even met me.

She knows my full name, she knows where I work, and she knows where I live.

Am I wrong to be scared she will try to destroy me in other ways? Her city is not very far away from me. She could easily take a road trip out here to get me. Or, contact my work and make up lies, like she did to Facebook. She could try to get me fired or ruin my reputation somehow.

I'm scared.

Depressed ramblings and a blog award

I have been hopelessly depressed lately.

I haven’t been blogging about it too much because I don’t want to scare away my online friends. And I haven’t been talking about it much to my friends at home because I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer.

It just seems like everything in my life right now is falling apart. I spent every penny of my life savings a year ago on a car that wasn’t worth it. I am now spending the money I have saved since then to fix the car’s air conditioner. I don’t have a penny to my name.

But it’s not so much the money troubles that are bothering me. It’s everything else.

I’m clinging to a job that doesn’t excite me anymore and has no possibility of a financial rise.

I’m in love with someone who isn’t sure he ever wants to get married or have children.

Most of my close friends live in other parts of the country and my best friend who does live here has her own troubles.

I can’t even go home to cry.
My father disowned me the minute I moved out because a single girl living on her own is a shame to the family.
He’s disgusted with my job because it makes only a fraction of what he does in a month.
He thinks I’m fat.
He hates my boyfriend and tells me so every day.
And my mom doesn’t defend me. She’s so tired of it by now, she just lets him have at it.

In addition, I feel like I’m going through some kind of syndrome. The twenty-something girl’s syndrome? Nothing in my life is as it should be. When I was in high school, I had big plans and goals and dreams.
I imagined myself a young newlywed at 25. Or perhaps a glamorous fashion magazine writer, traveling the world for stylish feature stories.
But no, I’m stuck in a job I used to love. I’m a news reporter for a dying industry.
I’m nowhere close to getting married. I don’t think I’m ready yet anyway.
I’m just scared that if this road keeps winding in the direction I’m headed, I’m going to end up 40, single, and childless. Oh, and stuck in this same cubicle. And living in the same tiny apartment.

Fuck.

I’m sorry for rambling. If you were sweet enough to read this entire thing, I thank you tremendously. I just needed to get this off my chest.
Hopefully I can make a change in my life for the better, but I’m still looking for that opportunity to knock on my door…

On a happier note, I received this blog award from my dear friend Morena. She has an awesome blog and if you haven't already checked it out, I highly suggest you do.



I pass this award on to all my followers.