She sang WHAT?!

Sometimes musicians like to cover songs by other musicians.

Sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't.

Most of the time, you don't even realize these cover songs exist.

And in some cases, the songs are too deliciously random and must be shared with the world immediately.

Here are five cover songs you might not have known existed.

You're welcome. Happy Monday.

5. Britney Spears covers All That She Wants by Ace of Base

I'm starting you out light here. This cover is unexpected, but should come as no real surprise to any Britney fan. After all, her top hits which made her a star ten years ago were written by the man (Max Martin) who crafted most of the Ace of Base songs in the early 1990s. You can hear the influence. But it is interesting to give this song a whirl. Plus, she gives the song her own spin by changing the lyrics.


4. Miley Cryus covers Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

 

I'm not a huge Nirvana fan. I'm not even a huge Kurt Cobain fan. But being a teenager from the 90s, I know enough about the artist to understand that this cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit is sacrilegious. I'm totally serious. I don't even know where to begin.

 

First, this song represents a mournful generational sentiment that Miley Cyrus couldn't even begin to wrap her head around. So for her to prance around in a skimpy pop star bedazzled sex suit and sing this song to thousands of clueless 12-year-old girls is unfathomable to me. The day she decided to cover this song, poor Kurt died again. When he was alive, he was so troubled by the materialistic plastic meaningless crap consuming our culture in the early 90s, that he couldn't even swallow his own fame.

 

This song is basically Hannah Montana shitting on all that's sacred in the world and laughing all the way to the bank.

 

If that is my opinion, as a so-so fan, imagine the horror of Nirvana's real fans. The comments on the youtube page pretty much say it all.

 

 

3. Ozzy Osbourne covers Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees

 

 

I actually like this version better than the original.

 

 

2. Pat Boone covers Enter Sandman by Metallica

 

 

Unlike our friend, Miley, this smooth crooner isn't making a mockery of a beloved rock song, he's owning it. And it's fucking AWESOME.

 

If you're familiar with this Metallica song, then you, my friends, are in for a treat. This brassy big-band version of Enter Sandman is hysterical. Pat Boone sings the morbid lyrics with such confident pizazz, you could have sworn he cheerfully wrote this tune back in 1958.

 

I never knew a death-metal rock song could be so swingin' and so seemingly innocent. I suggest turning this song on at high volume, grabbing a glass of bubbly, and twirling around the dance floor with that special someone.

 

 

1. Alanis Morissette covers My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas

 

 

...holy shit.

 

 

What do you think of these covers? Which one is your favorite?

The Other Side of Hollywood

Everyone has a dark past. Even celebrities.

And because I know you're curious, here are a few things you might not have known about your favorite movie stars:

James Dean was sexually molested by his church's minister, after his mom passed away. He revealed the tragic memory to Elizabeth Taylor while they were filming Giant.

Rosie O'Donnell revealed in a best-selling memoir, Celebrity Detox, that when she was a kid, she used to break her fingers and hands with a baseball bat, in order to get her parents attention.

When Leighton Meester was born, her mom was in prison for drug smuggling. The Gossip girl star was raised by her grandmother, while her mom finished serving the rest of her sentence.

Poor Jack Nicholson was innocently enjoying being the hottest new movie star on the block, when a journalist turned his life upside down. In 1974, while researching a story about the actor, a Time magazine reporter accidentally discovered that Jack's parents were not his parents! They were his grandparents, and his real mother was his older sister, who had been a sassy showgirl during the 1930s.

When he was a teenager, Mark Wahlberg wasn't a fan of non-white people. At 15, he got in trouble for throwing rocks at a group of African-American children on a field trip and calling them racial slurs. At 16, he randomly attacked a middle-aged Vietnamese man on the street with a stick, shouting "fucking Vietnam shit" and then attacked another Vietnamese man, permanently blinding him. He was charged with attempted murder for the unprovoked attacks, but only served 45 days in jail.

In 2010, a photo of a sad Keanu eating a sandwich alone sparked a world-wide meme. Everyone thought it was hysterical. Unfortunately, not many people probably realized what was behind those unhappy eyes. In 1999, the love of his life, the gorgeous production assistant Jennifer Syme, gave birth to their stillborn daughter, Ava. In 2001, the 28-year-old was killed in a drunk driving accident after attending a party. She is buried next to their daughter. Friends have said in interviews that Keanu remains a changed man.


Did you know any of these facts? Does it change the way you feel about these celebrities?

My Favorite (Fake) Hollywood Couples

I'm bored with most of the celeb couples who exist today.

Aren't you tired of Brangelina and their generic over-the-counter version?

Or, Justin Timberlake and that girl from 7th Heaven?

I'm yawning already.

I've decided to play Hollywood matchmaker. Call me Cupid. Call me crazy. Call me maybe. I don't care.

These people need to hook up immediately, or nobody gets their money back.

Amy Poehler & George Clooney

When I saw these two canoodling at the Golden Globes a couple weeks ago, I couldn't have been the only person who shouted, "YES!"

These two are perfect for each other. She's adorable. He's adorable. They need to be adorable together.

With his suave, Cary Grant demeanor and her charming sense of humor, they would be the couple everyone wants to be. They would be the couple everyone wants to be around.

And Amy is SO much more fabulous than the latest faceless blonde George Clooney always has by his side. Let's be real.

Lindsay Lohan & Charlie Sheen

They sleep together on the big screen, but perhaps they should be more intimate in real life. After all, they're both fucking crazy. So, they clearly have a lot in common.

I think they would understand each other in a way no one else in the world ever could. Plus, Charlie clearly likes her already, otherwise he wouldn't have spent $100K paying off some of her debts.

If they're both going to be ticking time bombs, why not just put them together and let them explode simultaneously. It would be like ripping off a Band-Aid.

Ben Affleck & Matt Damon

Most of you are probably shocked right now, with your mouth hanging open. "But Jennifer," you say, "I thought Matt and Ben were ALREADY a couple!"

No, my children. Believe it or not, these two claim to just be best friends. Seriously. They're NOT dating!

Yet.

Taylor Swift & Marilyn Manson

Taylor has had her heart broken by teen idols, who may or may not be gay in real life. Joe Jonas. Taylor Lautner. Harry Styles. Maybe it's time she started sleeping with someone who eats pretty boys for breakfast.

I think if Taylor dated this scary fuck, she'd grow up real fast. Her parents would hate him. She would start dressing goth. Can you imagine the songs that would develp out of this relationship? They'd be weird. Just weird enough that it could re-charge her career and open her up to a whole new audience.

Or fling her fame into oblivion like Manson exes Rose McGowan and Evan Rachel Wood...

Emma Stone & Ryan Gosling

Okay, jokes aside, I'm totally serious about this couple. I know Emma is dating that British kid and Ryan is with that older woman, but they need to ditch those squares and make a circle together.

Their chemistry sparks in Crazy, Stupid, Love and Gangster Squad. They look so good together.

And Emma is the only girl who I would not hate for dating Ryan Gosling. Because if I can't have him, I want her to take my place. I am that selfless.


What do you think of these celebrity couples?

Not Impressed!

I'm a cynical bitch who doesn't like many people.

And when I say "people" I mean female celebrities.

Of course, I like the awesome ones. Tina Fey. Amy Poehler. Jennifer Lawrence. Emma Stone.

But that's about it.

Lately there have been some female celebrities who have been ridiculously annoying.

And like our dear friend Tommy Lee Jones, I am NOT impressed.

Here is a look at five famous women who completely bore me right now.

5. Anne Hathaway

This may come as a shock to you because I have flippin adored this girl for years. Like, more than a decade. But recently she is just getting on my nerves. Big time.

I was such a huge fan because she's adorable, well-educated, witty, incredibly open-minded, honest, and has a classy sense of style. She prefers to watch The Tudors and read Jane Austen novels, as opposed to getting shit-faced at a bar and ending up in jail.

But her attitude is starting to bother me. She's annoying. And kind of pretentious. It's like she takes herself and her "craft" waaaay too seriously. Her charm and genuine modesty seems to have disappeared lately. Now in interviews, she seems fake and forced. Oh, and I hate her haircut. She has very exaggerated features (big lips and big nose) so with short hair, she's pretty much all face now.

When she accepts awards, her speeches are painfully awkward and embarrassingly self-indulgent. The last straw for me was when she stole the mic from the producer of Les Misérables, after the film won best picture at the Golden Globes, just because she forgot to thank a couple people in her earlier rambling speech after winning Best Supporting Actress. Um, rude. The poor guy ended up getting cut off later on because he didn't have enough time to thank everyone he wanted to in his speech. Thanks, Anne.

Sorry, but I'm...

4. Taylor Swift

I've disliked this girl from the minute I heard Teardrops on my Guitar on the radio. Or was it You Belong With Me? I still get those two songs confused.

But, despite not liking her music, I never really had anything bad to say about her in the past. She's beautiful and has cute style. Plus, she always seemed humble and sweet.

But a part of me wonders if that naive girl-next-door persona is real. Behind the scenes, she seems like a publicity whore. She's been serial dating high-profile celebrities for years and bragging about them in boring songs. It's awkward. She almost seems desperate to be part of a celebrity power couple or something.

I'm also tired of her "ohmygodareyouserious" shocked face she would pull whenever she won an award, which seemed to be once a week. The first time, it was cute. The tenth time, it was just fake, let's be real.

I actually would like to see this girl redeem herself and prove she can be a grown up one day.

But for now, I'm...

3. Lady Gaga

Again, this is weird. I'm normally a huge fan of Gaga. She came into our world at perfect timing, I think. In 2009, we were craving something different and weird and fabulous. She delivered. She made haute couture relevant. She gave us something to talk about. She made pop music cool again.

But now, I feel like her gimmick is stale. I'm over it.

It was almost like we were spoon-fed too much too fast. And now that the glitter of novelty is out of my eyes, she seems so yesterday.

It will be interesting to see if her Gaga image stays afloat as the years go by. The reason Madonna became an icon is because she didn't just change with the times, she invented the changes. Her music evolved, along with her identity. I'm not sure if Gaga will be able to emulate that kind of success. I honestly hope that she does, because I'd love to rekindle my obsession.

Good luck, Gaga. But these days, I'm....

2. Nicky Minaj

...yeah. When she raps, she sounds like she's having a stroke or something. That's just my humble opinion. I'm not a rap aficionado or anything though.

Her snarky attitude doesn't sit well with me. She seems like the type of person I would have a very difficult time getting along with. Like, she'll get up in your grill for no apparent reason, maybe? I just get that kind of vibe from everything I've seen of her in television interviews and magazine articles.

Her demeanor, her tacky Lisa Frank style, and her music. Everything. Just. No.

I'm not sorry to say I'm...

 

 

1. Kim Kardashian

Do I even need to explain this one?

Let's all chant together:

Are you bored with these girls too? Which celebrities don't impress you?

Best-dressed Bitches

Rian and I recently finished watching every season of Dynasty.



Several months ago, we got the first season of the outrageous 1980s mega-drama as a joke. We thought we'd share a good laugh over it.

By the second episode, the giggles had ceased and we sat stone-faced in front of the television, hands clenched, hearts racing with anticipation.



It's a really, really good show. Cheesy. Melodramatic. Addictive.

And the fashion. Dear god, the fashion.



The show revolves around oil tycoon Blake Carrington and his beautiful sweet-as-pie second wife, Krystle. They live in a sprawling Denver mansion with his adult children.



The premise to the show is very basic: Blake's ex-wife Alexis, who owns another major oil company, is out to destroy him.



Seriously. That's the entire plot to the show, from the first to last episode. You know, like Tom & Jerry. And just like the cat and mouse cartoon show, it's endlessly entertaining!



Like any good soap operas, there are murders and kidnappings and evil twins and scandalous affairs and cat fights.



But the main reason to watch the show is because of it's jaw-dropping fashion. The style from the show was so iconic, it defined the decade.



And Joan Collins, who plays the ex-wife Alexis, is the star of the show in that respect. Draped in the hottest fashion of the time, the stunningly beautiful scorned woman playfully exchanges witty banter and backstabs everyone around her with poisonous verbal daggers.



Dynasty is basically a giant 1980s fashion show, featuring Joan Collins wearing gigantic sequined gowns, futuristic shoulder-padded power suits, massive wide-brimmed hats, and glamorous Hollywood-drenched fur stoles.



Her costumes were created by the legendary costume designer Nolan Miller, who was provided $35,000 a week to come up the lavish ensembles.



The over-the-top wardrobe complimented the over-the-top character like a skin-tight satin glove.

Of course, Joan Collins was not the only style icon from the show.

Linda Evans, who played Alexis' nemesis, Krystle, portrayed a more sophisticated, and less flashy, style.



Her country club attire consisted of cozy fur coats, sleek gowns, and ritzy, yet casual, jackets.

Heather Locklear, who starred as Krystle's gold-digging niece, had a deliciously tacky wardrobe, which highlighted her cheap, standoffish personality.



Look at that hair!

The fashion from the show was so famous, it inspired a Barbie line and sewing patterns.





As usual, here is my little polyvore tribute. I hope you like it.

So what do you think? Do you like Dynasty fashion?

My Restaurant Reviews

This might come as a shock to you, but I'm quite the jet-setter. One day I'm in New York City, the next I'm in Los Angeles. Sometimes all in one day.

During my recent travels, I stopped by a few restaurants that I really enjoyed. I decided to share my reviews of them, in case you ever find yourself in the area and decide to go.

Enjoy!

The Max, Los Angeles

If you love flashy neon colors, retro designs, and all-American food, you seriously need to stop by The Max, which is over in the Pacific Palisades.

The prices are reasonable. The food is simple, but it's good. Burgers. Fries. Milkshakes.

The back story of the place is pretty quirky as well. It was opened by a magician, and sometimes he'll come to each table and perform a silly little trick and crack stupid jokes. But it's all in good fun.

The only downside is if you hit the place up after 2 p.m. it tends to get overcrowded with obnoxious teenagers from the nearby Bayside High School.

The afternoon I was there, a few of them came out of nowhere and randomly held a dance-off, which delayed my food from being served by 23 minutes. I was SO annoyed.

Here is a crappy cell phone pic I took of the scene:

Peach Pit, Beverly Hills

I have a soft spot for old-school diners, so when I stumbled upon the Peach Pit, I couldn't have been more delighted.

Again, you're looking at all-American food, but it's absolutely delicious and hot off the grill. The interior is very retro and there's even a jukebox.

My server, Brandon, was super cute and even flirted with me a little, which made me kind of uneasy later on, because I found out he was in high school (he looked 26).

Here's a crappy cell phone pic of my server and the owner:

Central Perk, New York City

Sometimes, it's just nice to get away from Starbucks. So, when I found myself in Greenwich Village one day, I decided to try out a popular local coffee shop, Central Perk.

Before I even ordered my coffee, I was already impressed. It had such a cozy, yet vibrant atmosphere. The couches were comfy. The coffee mugs were huge. The place was filled with attractive people around my own age.

I was a little taken aback by the sour-faced barista, Gunther, who took my order with undisguised sarcasm.

I was in such a good mood after leaving the place, I even tipped a pretty blonde hippie who was singing about smelly cats in front of the main entrance.

Stay tuned for my next restaurant review post, where I'll detail my visits to Shooters, Krusty Burger, and Bluth's Banana Stand.

Will you visit these places?

What are your favorite restaurants?