I facebooked your ex last night

Before online social networking came about, it was easy to forget your ex. Perhaps, a few years later, you would run into them at the supermarket and it would be awkward and nostalgic, but then away they would go, off into the frozen food aisle.

Well, our generation is different and it sucks.

On Facebook, I am only friends with one ex. His name is Jeff and we dated in high school. I was very much in love. We went shopping together and took dance lessons together. We would drive through the ritzy part of town and dream about one day when we would marry and live in a big mansion. And Jeff would even fantasize about how he would decorate each room. Well, a few years after graduation, Jeff came out of the closet. I put my heartache aside and we remained good friends.

But that is it. He is the exception.

Unfortunately, I am still unwillingly connected to every other ex on Facebook. We have mutual friends.

So once in a while information about an ex will pop up in my facebook news feed and spark my interest.

And no matter how OVER my ex I am, bitter feelings and hurt still arises, especially if the relationship ended on bad terms (they all did). Whenever I see them with their new beautiful girlfriends, happy and beaming, I get a little pissed.

After all, I’d always had this fantasy that each ex was sitting alone in his living room every Saturday night, pining for me, knowing he could never love again. So it is always a huge shock to see that my fantasy is not true. They are dating other girls. They are in love with other girls. I am all but forgotten.

And then I have to prevent myself from facebooking each new girlfriend to warn her about the asshole.
“Don’t date him girl! Jake’s mother is a complete nightmare and will ruin your life!”
“I’m so sorry, sweetie, you don’t know me, but I just needed to tell you that Don is in an abusive relationship with himself. Don’t let him near any pills.”
“If you want to protect your heart, stay away from Chris. He cheats.”

All the things I want to say, but of course, do not.

And Facebook makes it SO easy to find your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. So, so devilishly easy, especially if her profile is on public view. 597 photos? Don’t mind if I do!

And that’s when the fun starts. Your self-esteem takes a series of beatings when you find out his ex is gorgeous and rich and brilliant in every way. Oh, she plays the guitar? How bloody fabulous. Oh, she got accepted into Harvard Law without even studying? Lucky bitch! Oh, she went mountain climbing last year just for the hell of it? Jesus. What is my boyfriend doing with me? Clearly I suck in comparison.

And so forth.

So thank you, Facebook. Thank you for not letting me forget my exes. Thank you for letting me compare every detail of myself to every girl who dated my boyfriend.

Thank you for wasting my time.