Boyfriend in a Box

Some of you may have heard about a new company that is creating fake girlfriends for guys.



In exchange for money, Cloud Girlfriend will create a fake girlfriend for a guy, on the social networking site of his choice, so he can look more attractive to females.

The fake girlfriend will write cute, witty comments on his facebook wall and post photos, to make it seem like a real relationship.

Sounds terrible, right?

Well, I have to confess...

I paid for a fake relationship myself 15 years ago.

When I was in sixth grade, I bought Boyfriend in a Box. Here is my story.

When I was 11 years old, my parents wouldn't let me date. At the time, this was very distressing to me. It seemed all the popular girls in my school had boyfriends. I was terribly jealous and felt left out.

One day I was shopping at Afterthoughts in our local mall and I stumbled upon a goldmine: Boyfriend in a Box.


(Not the actual one I bought)

For only $10, I could buy my very own boyfriend! The kit came with a photo of a blonde teenage boy with a cheesy grin and a card giving his "statistics."

It also came with a letter which stated this:

Hey special girl!
I feel so lucky to have a wonderful person like you in my life. I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time with you. I enjoy long walks in the park and eating chocolate ice cream.
Yours,
Chad

As soon as I got home with my new fake boyfriend, I immediately memorized all his stats. Chad was 16, he was 5'10", he had ash blonde hair, and he had green eyes. His was on the varsity boys basketball team and enjoyed surfing. When he wasn't busy being the most popular boy in school or getting straight A's, he enjoyed writing romantic poetry and playing the guitar.

As soon as I met my friends at school the next day, I made my announcement: "I have a boyfriend!" I proudly handed them the photo of Chad, who was looking charming in a neon green shirt and acid wash jeans. "We met last night at the mall!"

Their mouths dropped open. I told them all his statistics as casually as I could. I could see envy on every single girl's face. I'm not gonna lie, it felt good.

Soon, everyone was talking about my new relationship. I was instantly cool, having a high school boyfriend, rather than one of the scrawny 11-year-olds my friends were dating.

At lunch, I was plagued with questions about Chad and they all wanted to meet him. Unfortunately, Chad was conveniently flying to Australia that night for a surfing competition, I made up. Lying was such fun!

But soon it became apparent that Chad was causing a barrier between my best friend, Megan, and I. She admitted she was insanely jealous that I had a high school boyfriend now and her crush, Dan, from our math class wouldn't even look at her. She even started crying. I felt awful.



So, that evening I went back to Afterthoughts and bought her a boyfriend. I couldn't very well give her Chad, so instead, I purchased the African American version, Tyrone.

The next day at school, I gave Megan the photo of Tyrone and said he was Chad's best friend who had a huge crush on her. He wanted to be her boyfriend! I gave her all of his stats (varsity football team, sings in choir, loves dogs). Megan was thrilled! She was so happy! I managed to keep the charade going for a week, until I discovered something awful.

Dan, the math class cutie, had asked Megan to the sixth grade formal, and Megan had TURNED HIM DOWN. She wanted to take Tyrone! Horrified, I knew what I had to do.

I immediately went over to Megan's house and confessed everything. I told her about Boyfriend in a Box. I apologized profusely. I cried. She forgave me, but it changed things. Our friendship never fully recovered and I moved to Nebraska six months later. I never saw or heard from her again.

Well, one week ago I found Megan on Facebook. She accepted my friend request!

Excitedly, I wrote on her wall, "I was just thinking about you the other day and all the memories we shared from middle school! Remember that time I gave you a fake boyfriend? Hahaha!"

She has been on Facebook since but never responded. I guess time doesn't heal ALL wounds...

Anyway.

Moral of the story: Paying for a fake boyfriend at 11-years-old is funny. Paying for a fake girlfriend as a grown man is creepy.