Ch-Ch-Chicago!

I'm back from the Windy City.



I'm still in that "mourning" period. You know, the kind where you get back from vacation and realize your life at home sucks. Or maybe that's just me...hmmm...

I normally don't make a big deal out of Chicago because my family goes there every summer. My parents are from there, actually. But this trip we actually chose to be tourists, so it wasn't entirely boring.

Because I'm awesome and I know all you stalkers are desperate to know every detail of my life, I've posted a day-by-day description of my trip.

Enjoy.


Friday

I suffered agonizing allergies the entire nine hour drive to Chicago. It was like being in hell. When we finally got to Chicago it took my dad an extra hour to circle around the city searching for our hotel. There was a lot screaming involved.


Saturday

My parents and I attended my aunt's 60th birthday pool party. She lives in an adorable little suburban neighborhood. Most of my cousins were there. I chose not to swim because I did not want to scare my cousins' young children with my 500 pound lard ass stuffed into a swimsuit like a sausage. I'm always looking out for the children's welfare, you see.

I was being so responsible that I only had one jello shot and half a beer that day. It was so sweltering hot that I mostly drank melted ice.

Everything was going swimmingly (har har) until the DJ (yes, there was a DJ) insisted that we all participate in an awkward communal dance. Everyone in the family had to get in a circle and do the "Chicken Dance" and "Hokey Pokey" and "Electric Slide."

I'm not fucking kidding.

As a normal person, I was hesitant to join in the festivities (I wasn't drunk enough, let's be real), but my dad was having none of it.

"Jennifer, you are going to do the Chicken Dance and you are going to do it RIGHT NOW," he growled at me, while flapping his arms and bobbing his head.

I was surprised that my 67-year-old Indian father even knew the Chicken Dance. He then told me that he had learned the Chicken Dance at a coworker's wedding in 1978.

"The dance of the chicken is something you never forget," he said solemnly.

Awesome.

Oh, and here are some photos I took:


(Me and my awesome cousin Kari)


(Kari and her crazy husband)


(Their adorable daughter...who is part of a triplet set.)


(More of my cousins' children)


(Cutie patootie)

I was so busy catching up with relatives that I didn't notice how many jello shots (two), beer (three), and wine (two) my mother had been consuming.

Before I knew it, she was giddily drunk, running around and laughing. She eventually passed out in the back seat of our car before we even left the driveway.


Sunday



My parents and I went downtown for shopping and lunch. We spent one hour searching for this stupid hot dog stand where my dad had the best Chicago dog of his life 35 years ago. It was nowhere to be found and my dad was shocked and confused.

I was initially depressed that we would be shopping at all my favorite stores downtown because I seriously had no money. Not even a dollar. But upon my heavy insistence (i.e. pleading and sobbing, toddler style) my dad finally relented and bought me a pair of gym shorts and a leopard print blouse at H&M.

We topped it all off with a boat tour of the lake.





Later that evening, my mom and I found ourselves in a really bad part of town waiting for a bus (long story) and we witnessed a near-murder. A man was chasing another man in circles with a baseball bat and ended up just bashing in his entire car, literally within three feet of us. Scary shit.


Monday



We went to the museum of natural science and history.

Then we stopped at the giant ass chocolate store.



For dinner we went to a hamburger joint, Billy Goat Tavern, that my former journalism professor used to eat lunch at every week when he was a reporter at the Chicago Tribune. The restaurant is famous for being the inspiration for the old Saturday Night Live sketch ("Cheezborger! Cheezborger!"). My professor used run into Dan Akroyd, Bill Murray, and John Belushi at this hamburger place before they were famous.




Tuesday

The ride home was pretty unremarkable. I had no allergies, so I have no complaints.


And that was my Chicago trip in a nut shell.

If you read that entire post, you are the instant winner of my GIVEAWAY.

And what is the prize for this giveaway? It's my love.

I love you.


Awwww. I'm so sweet it kills me.