Fast Times at Wikipedia High

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the internet was the real world? And social media sites were...people?

Oh, I'm the only weirdo here? Well, welcome to my twisted little imagination.
Hello kids! Welcome to Wikipedia High School. We have the bestest and brightest students in the virtual world. Let me introduce you!


Facebook



Hey everyone! I really hate to brag, but oh, what the heck. I'm so pretty. I'm the most popular girl in school. There I said it, hehe. :) I have so many friends! And every time I say how awesome my day has been, 20 of my closest friends immediately like it! They give me thumbs up and make comments which make me feel special. :) I just want to be everyone's friend because I'm so nice and I'm so cool. I love sharing photos of myself with everyone, even people I haven't spoken to in years. I'm really pretty. Did I mention that? :)


LinkedIn



I'm going to get straight to the point. I'm not here to make friends, I'm simply here to do everything I can to get into Harvard. I'm the senior class president, I'm president of the Latin Club, vice-president of the Chess Club, and a proud member of the Wikipedia Business Leaders of Tomorrow League. I'm also class valedictorian. While most of my uninspired classmates are more interested in watching cat videos over at Youtube, I spend every waking moment trying to be as professional as possible. Even if it means polishing my resume every single night until graduation.


Twitter



@you sorry super busy but wanted to say I'm editor of the @wikipaper and always have the scoop on all gossip/news. Have millions of friends and strangers who always want to chat. LOL
#mylifestory #awesomesauce #hitmeuponmycell #totallyboningfacebook

Craig's List



Some people call me that pothead skater boy who deals herbal candy to children behind the bleachers, but man, that's just not the whole picture, man. I hook people up with necessary shit! Need a bike for ten bucks? Meet me behind the bleachers after school and I'll hook you up. Want to sell your mom's jewelry so you can support your heroin habit? Fuck yeah, meet me behind the bleachers and I'll hook you up. Looking to get laid? Meet me behind the bleachers and...


Google +



Yes, I'm the baby at Wiki High. I'm a freshman. It really sucks because when I first came to this school, everyone wanted to be my friend! Everyone kept saying I was prettier and cooler than Facebook! I thought I was going to be the most popular girl at school. And now I'm so sad because people finally figured out that I'm not that cool. They call me boring and no one hangs out with me anymore. Most of the people who begged me to be their friend a few months ago have now forgotten I even exist. They walk past me in the hallways without even looking. Will you be my friend?


Flickr



Look outside your eyes, friends! Every day is a new beginning and every night is a rebirth. Cleanse yourself with knowledge and the visual beauty which awaits you at every turn. If you are feeling inspired, bring your Holga to the quad after school. A group of us hike to the stars and snap our dreams with the click of a button. If you're a spiritually and physically beautiful female, perhaps we could share an existential moment.


Myspace


So, you're probably staring at my photo and thinking "damn, that bitch is old" and you know what, you're right. I'm 24 and technically, shouldn't even be at Wiki High Anymore. But fuck you, I just don't want to leave. When I first came here in 2003, I was the most popular girl in high school. But then that stupid slut Facebook transferred here and fucked it all up for me. And ever since that bitch stole my Homecoming crown, all I've been doing is drinking whiskey straight out of the bottle and having sex with any sleazeball who picks me up. And since I don't have friends anymore, I basically just hang out with no-name rock bands. I guess you could call me the ultimate groupie. Oh, FYI: Don't sleep with Craig's List. Asshole gave me a virus.


...well, what do ya think?