My Favorite (Fake) Hollywood Couples

I'm bored with most of the celeb couples who exist today.

Aren't you tired of Brangelina and their generic over-the-counter version?

Or, Justin Timberlake and that girl from 7th Heaven?

I'm yawning already.

I've decided to play Hollywood matchmaker. Call me Cupid. Call me crazy. Call me maybe. I don't care.

These people need to hook up immediately, or nobody gets their money back.

Amy Poehler & George Clooney

When I saw these two canoodling at the Golden Globes a couple weeks ago, I couldn't have been the only person who shouted, "YES!"

These two are perfect for each other. She's adorable. He's adorable. They need to be adorable together.

With his suave, Cary Grant demeanor and her charming sense of humor, they would be the couple everyone wants to be. They would be the couple everyone wants to be around.

And Amy is SO much more fabulous than the latest faceless blonde George Clooney always has by his side. Let's be real.

Lindsay Lohan & Charlie Sheen

They sleep together on the big screen, but perhaps they should be more intimate in real life. After all, they're both fucking crazy. So, they clearly have a lot in common.

I think they would understand each other in a way no one else in the world ever could. Plus, Charlie clearly likes her already, otherwise he wouldn't have spent $100K paying off some of her debts.

If they're both going to be ticking time bombs, why not just put them together and let them explode simultaneously. It would be like ripping off a Band-Aid.

Ben Affleck & Matt Damon

Most of you are probably shocked right now, with your mouth hanging open. "But Jennifer," you say, "I thought Matt and Ben were ALREADY a couple!"

No, my children. Believe it or not, these two claim to just be best friends. Seriously. They're NOT dating!

Yet.

Taylor Swift & Marilyn Manson

Taylor has had her heart broken by teen idols, who may or may not be gay in real life. Joe Jonas. Taylor Lautner. Harry Styles. Maybe it's time she started sleeping with someone who eats pretty boys for breakfast.

I think if Taylor dated this scary fuck, she'd grow up real fast. Her parents would hate him. She would start dressing goth. Can you imagine the songs that would develp out of this relationship? They'd be weird. Just weird enough that it could re-charge her career and open her up to a whole new audience.

Or fling her fame into oblivion like Manson exes Rose McGowan and Evan Rachel Wood...

Emma Stone & Ryan Gosling

Okay, jokes aside, I'm totally serious about this couple. I know Emma is dating that British kid and Ryan is with that older woman, but they need to ditch those squares and make a circle together.

Their chemistry sparks in Crazy, Stupid, Love and Gangster Squad. They look so good together.

And Emma is the only girl who I would not hate for dating Ryan Gosling. Because if I can't have him, I want her to take my place. I am that selfless.


What do you think of these celebrity couples?