Jenny in Wonderland

Okay, I'm not really in Wonderland. More like Wonderhell these days.

But despite being fabulously unemployed and being tremendously confused and depressed about every aspect of my life, I am still managing to squeeze in a little fun.

Kerrie and I finally saw Alice in Wonderland this week.



We saw it in 3D. It was such a beautiful, cute, and quirky film. I enjoyed every minute of it. It was definitely a delightful twist to the book.

After the movie Kerrie and I met Rian for sushi.









The food was good but the service was terrible. The restaurant, despite being busy all the time, is notorious for its bad service. But it is still considered one of the most decent sushi places in the area, so...haha.

It was nice to have a day of fun and relaxation after all the stress I have been facing.

Oh, and in case you were curious, here is what I wore:


dress, Urban Outfitters; jacket, Express; shoes, Gap; bag, Louis Vuitton


I hope you are all having a wonderful week! xoxo

I'm back!

First, I want to thank everyone for all the sweet comments and support during the past week. It really means a lot to me. Hugs to you all! I have the most fabulous bloggy friends in the world. :)

It was a sad but special trip.

My grandmother's funeral was simple, tasteful, and beautiful.

After the burial, my whole family got together at my aunt's house for food and memories. Despite the circumstances, it was nice to have my entire family together. I got to catch up with all my cousins and admire how cute their kids have gotten in the past year.

Here are some photos of me and a few of my cousins:








The granddaughters also got a chance to take home a few pieces of Grandma's favorite jewelry. It was mostly costume jewelry, but there were a lot of really adorable necklaces, rings, and bracelets to choose from.



I took home four necklaces, which can be seen in this horrible photo. Haha.



I am excited to wear these necklaces because it will be like carrying a piece of my grandmother with me wherever I go.

Now that I am back home, I am hoping that after such a tragedy, life will toss a few happy experiences my way...

It's going to take me a while to get back into the swing of things, so I apologize if you don't hear from me right away. By the end of this week, I should be back into my usual routine.

I hope you are all having a fantastic week. xoxo

Until we meet again...

I am off to Illinois for a funeral.

Send me good vibes!

I will catch up with all of you on Monday! xoxo

Lilies and Roses (RIP)

"Take care of yourself, Jennifer. I love you. Hopefully I will see you again someday after I go to my forever home."

Those were the last words my maternal grandmother said to me. She passed away Sunday evening. She was 88 years old.

I will forever be haunted by the image of her frail little body shifting uncomfortably and undecidedly on her makeshift bed in the living room of my uncle's house.

Eighty-eight years of fine lines and wrinkles caressed her body like a delicate, never-ending spiderweb. Her once shiny eyes were shadowed with anticipation for the end to come. Terrified of death and desperate to go, all at the same time. But the light didn't come quickly.

It broke my heart.

That is not how I want to remember her.

I want to remember her as the chubby bubbly grandma who laughed sweetly at my jokes and smiled serenely from her rocking chair.

I want to remember her sparkling eyes staring at me from a dusty black and white photograph discovered in the edges of an old photo album.

I came across the hidden treasure ten years ago when I was going through my mom's things in the attic.

I was instantly mesmerized by the beaming teenage girl sprawled in a field of light-colored flowers and weeds. It was 1937. Grandma was 16--the same age as me back then.

She was beautiful, vivacious, and bursting with youth. Her smile was familiar. It would be painted on the faces of her daughters, granddaughters, and great-granddaughters within the next seven decades.

More than a dozen of her lovely smiles are now sprinkled across the United States. Not a bad contribution to society.

I hesitantly handed that photograph back to my mother. It was a reality check for me, to see the girl within the elderly woman. Since then, it was always hard for me to swallow that my little ol' grandma had once been a bright-eyed doll. It was even harder for me to put the two together while seeing her curled up so helplessly, gaunt and pale, this past weekend.

Grandma was lucky enough to pass away surrounded by her family and provided with the best comfort money can't buy: love.

Somewhere in that place called heaven I hope she is finally peaceful again.

And every time I hear her name, I will remember that teenage girl lounging in the grass, smiling playfully, life dancing in her eyes.

Oscar Weekend

In the midst of an extremely bad week, I am off to Chicago for a family emergency.

Which means there is a good chance I will miss the Oscars. Family is far more important to me, so I am not too upset.

I thought, however, I would go ahead and do my Oscar post this year anyway.

One of my favorite aspects of the Academy Awards is the gowns...each year the red carpet is sprinkled with some of the most gorgeous fashion creations and some of the most horrific.

I thought I would share with you my top five favorite Oscar gowns from the past decade and also the ones which made me cringe.

Enjoy!

And the Oscar goes to...

Kate Winslet, 2002



There is only one word for this Ben de Lisi gown: ADORABLE!


Sarah Jessica Parker, 2009



Last year, this gown took my breath away. I want to wear this Dior Couture gown! I want to be a fairy princess too! Sigh...


Julia Roberts, 2001



I will never forget this vintage Valentino gown. Ever. I will be 90 years old and still thinking about this dress.


Penelope Cruz, 2007



Penelope is one of the only actresses today who still has that ol' Hollywood glamour. She is mysterious, glamorous, and breathtakingly beautiful. Just like this Versace gown.


Halle Berry, 2002, Elie Saab



Halle made history in this Elie Saab dress. And this dress made history on her because it is STUNNING.


And now the worst...

Uma Thurman in Christian Lacroix, 2004



I adore Uma Thurman. She is so insanely fabulous and gorgeous and stylish. So, I can only imagine that she was simply double-tasking here by attending the Oscars but also auditioning for a Sound of Music remake at the same time. Any other reason for this outfit doesn't make sense.


Ziyi Zhang in Valentino, 2007


Would anyone like a slice of cake?


Tilda Swinton in Alber Elbaz for Lanvin, 2008



Before the Snuggie, there was the Trashbaggie...


Gwyneth Paltrow in Alexander McQueen, 2002



Something about this dress gives me the creeps. And not in the fabulous Tim Burton creepy kind of way. Just...creepy.


Whoopi Goldberg, 2009


???????????


I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend.

Love, love, love

With a broken laptop, it's going to take me a while to get back to each and every one of you. But I just wanted to thank you all for being so supportive and kind to me these past couple days.

Just reading your comments makes me feel a million times better than I did before, simply because its showing me a lot of you can relate and a lot of you care so much.

Blogging has helped me in so many ways, it is unbelievable. I started it as a place to journal my thoughts and feelings. It ended up being a way to make the most incredible and amazing friends all over the world. For that I am truly grateful.

Thank you for giving me the good kind of tears (hehe) and showing me I'm not alone. In fact, some of your comments really gave me confidence to think in another direction, which I was not expecting...and that is awesome.

I am still sad and confused right now and trying to figure out what to do in terms of EVERYTHING going on.

I will keep you updated, of course. But I just wanted to say thanks very quickly right now.

I love you! xoxoxoxo

Blog, interrupted.

I know I'm going to regret this later, but I really feel like this is necessary.

I need to vent.

If you have been following my blog long enough, you already know what a terrible year it has been for me so far. I was laid off from my job in January, lost a friend to suicide, and now am quickly running out of funds as I struggle to find a new job. Oh, and my laptop and my phone broke twice in the last month.

I always wondered how many more punches I could take from life before I finally unraveled. Now I know.

For the past three weeks I have been incredibly sick. I caught a coughing illness from my parents. They had it for a month before getting over it. Mine seems to be getting worst. I wake up in the middle of the night coughing so deeply it hurts and choking on air. It's almost like I have so much oxygen in me, I'm suffocating on it. I have no voice. I'm going to have to see a doctor all over again, which I can barely afford right now.

I would be able to handle that if it were not for another major blow in my life.

My relationship is hanging by a thread right now.

If this thread breaks, I will have to move back home to another similar situation.

Its funny how girls end up dating guys who are exactly like their fathers.

What's even worse is that I truly don't feel like I have that many people to turn to right now.

I can call my friends and they would sympathize, of course. But that's all they can do.

Nobody can save me. Nobody can pick me up and carry me away and make everything feel better. I have to do that myself, I guess.

But I'm exhausted. And I'm sad. And it would be so nice to fall asleep and never wake up. But don't worry, I'm not going to do that. I love my mom too much to do something so stupid.

I'm just here. Wishing I could be somewhere else. Waiting for something happy to happen before I break apart...