Bunny in the Big Apple

My best friend Jonny moved to New York City this week.

I'm so sad, because I am going to miss him a lot. But, I'm very proud of him for chasing his dream of being a Broadway star. There is nothing worse than waking up 20 years later and wondering "what if?". Not many people have the guts, or the drive, to follow their own ambitions.

Before he left for the Big Apple, Jonny and I had dinner with our friend, John, as a sort of goodbye celebration.











I wish Jonny Bunny nothing but success and happiness during his adventures on the East Coast!

Three year anniversary

It's strange that I'm celebrating three years this week. I honestly didn't think I would stick with my blog for very long when I created it in 2009.

But it has been incredibly fun and introduced me to some very important friends. Plus, it has given me a way to be creative and explore who I am as a person. That sounds so stupid, but I have a feeling you fellow bloggers understand exactly what I mean.

Since I am without a laptop or other recording device right now, I don't have the means to create another vlog for ya'll. Which is sad. Because seeing me in motion, unable to hide behind my eloquent words or a cheesy photographed grin, is like falling in love for the first time. And I wanted you to have that experience.

Well, I dug up a video I created for my blog's first anniversary a couple years ago. Everything I say in it still holds true and I still look the same. So, if you want to see what a dork I am in real life, press play.



Hopefully by this time next year, I'll have won the lottery and I can do something fabulous to celebrate my blog. Like, throw a giveaway where you win a trip around the world. Or, perhaps, technology will have advanced so much I could just jump out of your computer screen as a giant hologram and give you a hug. That would be cool.

Thanks for reading.

WTF, Lilo?

I've gotten to the age where reality has hit. My childhood dreams of being a movie star are probably not going to come true.

Mostly because I haven't pursued acting or modeling and honestly, would rather write a witty blog post than memorize an entire script of dialogue.

But still, no paparazzi?! No million dollar mansion in Beverly Hills?! No Jake Gyllenhaal beaming next to me on the red carpet?!

Ouch.

It kind of sucks to just KNOW the fantasy is over.

Well, there are a handful of girls who are lucky enough to have my fantasy as their reality.

They are actresses. They are beautiful. They throw parties in their Malibu dream homes.

But some of them throw it all away. Like, they have everything right at their fingertips and they don't give a damn. They treat life like garbage. They focus on drugs or alcohol or sleeping with one-hit-wonders. Um, ew.

One of those starlets is Lindsay Lohan.

Remember this girl?







Let's face it, Lilo has been a fuck up for a very long time. But several years ago, her life seemed so promising.

She was beautiful. She was a great comedic and dramatic actress. She looked cute, no matter what hair color she chose for the week: red, blonde, or black.

But after years of being tabloid trash for her illegal shenanigans and sloppy drunken behavior, she has become an ugly version of herself.





Remember the rotten teeth incident? How does someone not understand the importance of brushing?!

And I'm sure you've all seen these recent photos:





She attended a charity gala last week looking haggard and washed out. She even tried to charm a businessman into buying her a $20,000 watch as a present, and he not only said no, he laughed at her. (The former charming, gorgeous Lindsay from several years ago probably would have gotten the watch from a number of guys, without even having to ask).

Why do starlets like Lindsay waste their beauty, fame, and talent? I simply cannot comprehend it.

These girls are given all the ingredients to a fabulous life and they throw it away.

What do you think?

Do you believe in reincarnation?

Sometimes when I'm desperately unhappy, I try to concentrate on where it stems from.

Because most of the time, my feelings of frustration and emptiness don't directly come from the obvious reasons in my life, such as lack of money, lack of job, and loss of friendships.

There are indescribable feelings of pain I've been having for pretty much my entire life.

And the closer I look, the more I realize I simply don't feel like I belong in my generation. I feel like a stranger among people my own age. And as the years go by, I feel the distance increasing.

It's like I don't relate to anyone anymore. It's confusing.

As long as I can remember, I have always felt like I belonged to another generation. Not the glamorous 1920s, or something exotic like Cleopatra-era Egypt. But more like merely 40 years ago. It is such a strong feeling, that sometimes it overwhelms me.

I don't think my feelings are unjustified either.



When I was three years old, in 1987, an incident occurred that my parents still bring up to this day.

I used to talk incessantly about a life which didn't involve them. I told stories and spouted names that were so detailed, my parents were stunned. It got to the point, where it was all I could talk about. My parents were completely freaked out. I was like something out of a horror movie, going on and on about stuff that had happened to me, and how I missed certain people.

My parents took me to several child psychiatrists. Finally, the last one they took me to gave them an explanation that the others had been too embarrassed to bring up: reincarnation. He told my parents that he truly believed I was remembering incidents and people from my past life.

Well, when I turned four, my stories started to dwindle. And by the time I reached five, they were gone.

And now, while I remember tossing and turning in bed, at three years old, remembering things with clarity, I don't remember what they were. I don't remember incidents, or places, or faces, or names.

The stories my parents repeat to me now, don't mean anything to me anymore. They don't jog any memory or feeling.

I will most likely never know what I had been talking about.



But sometimes when I'm walking outside, and the sky is a dreary gray, and the wind is blowing through my hair, and all the elements add up, my heart does a little jump. I feel a sharp tinge of nostalgia.

And then I'm left feeling alone.

Life, interrupted.

I was at work, typing up a feature story, when the news broke three years ago. A friend texted me the rumor and we both feverishly scoured the internet, hoping it wasn't true.

But before I knew it, the newsroom was buzzing with shock and sadness. Someone turned the television on. And that was it.

Heath Ledger was dead.



I like to do something I fear. I like to set up obstacles and defeat them.


When anything is blocking my head or there's worry in my life, I just go sit on Mars or something and look back here at Earth. All you can see is this tiny speck. You don't see the fear. You don't see the pain. You don't see thought. It's just one solid speck. Then nothing really matters. It just doesn't.


In this industry, interest in you comes in waves, it's so tidal. And so I don't really want to jump on the first wave that comes along.


I only do this because I'm having fun. The day I stop having fun, I'll just walk away.


I learned respect for women, and patience. You grow up with all those women around you...you learn to wait your turn.


If you just be safe about the choices you make, you don't grow.



I still find it personally disappointing that people kind of go out of their way to voice their disgust or their opinions against the ways in which two people choose to love one another. I think that's really unfortunate.



There are no rules and there is no rulebook.


Having a child changes every aspect of your life — for the better, of course. The sacrifices are large, but what you get in return is even bigger than the sacrifices you make.


I wasn't prepared to expose stories about something so special and wonderfully private that is happening in my life. I guess a part of me wishes that I'd never have to and that maybe I could protect this special time. I was dreaming.



All of this is so insignificant. In the grand scale of things, there have been so many before who have been in this position. I'm just another one. Life is so short. It's like we're already gone, really, in retrospect.

Super Bowels Sunday

It's that time of year again, where millions of people in the United States turn a football game into a national holiday.

We drink beer. Laugh at stupid commercials.

And the food. Oh god, the food.

Well, believe it or not, some people take Super Bowl food too freaking far. Like, they don't realize the difference between pigging out and genuinely eating like a pig, on a farm.

Here are ten horrifyingly REAL Super Bowl foods that will make you squirm.



Frank's hot sauce and chicken cake, with a blue cheese butter cream frosting. If you ever want to know what it's like to eat out of a dumpster, making this recipe is your chance.




Cheeto marshmallow treats. I'm not kidding.




Can't decide between pizza and burgers this Super Bowl Sunday?




Yes, this is a mug made out of bacon, filled with cheddar cheese. No, I don't have any explanation for it.




Hoping to cash in on the garbage-can food movement, Betty Crocker created a recipe for bacon and beer mancakes, which are basically pancakes made out of...well, yeah.




For some reason, the recipe for peanut butter and jelly chicken wings is immensely popular this time of year. And, of course, don't forget the Frank's hot sauce to go with it. Otherwise you're a pussy.




As if White Castle burgers weren't disgusting enough, the company had to create a White Castle dip recipe, which can be found on their website. (I'm not linking it. I refuse.) It calls for ten White Castle burgers, a bucket of cream cheese, a tub of mustard, and onions. Bon appetit!




Bacon inside of sausage. I'm a meat lover, but even looking at this photo makes me cringe. I feel like it needs to be poked with a stick, before consumption, just to make sure, you know, it's not still alive.




What's sad is that a person actually made this sandwich salad thing. And you know it took a reaaaaaally long time.




This 35-pound creation, titled the Big Dirty Manningwich, is a sandwich consisting of brisket, pulled pork, sloppy joe, bacon, and clam chowder. Perhaps you would like a keg of beer to help wash it down? I thought not.

What do you think of these Super Bowl food disasters? Would you make any of them?!

Update on the Fabulousness

I haven't done a personal post in a while, so I figured I should let you know how I'm doing and whatnot.

I'm always stunned when I realize that some of you actually give a damn about my well-being.

This past month has been okay. Life isn't perfect, but I'm not as unhappy as I used to be. I actually discovered an unpublished post I had written three months ago, titled "I'm losing my mind." It was a bad time.

The only real unhappiness I have right now is my weight. I desperately want to lose twenty pounds, not just because of my appearance, but because of my health. My weight is actually making me sick now.

I'm horrified to say that in the past year, I have actually gained ten pounds while trying to lose ten pounds. I'm not sure why. I honestly do not have a bad diet. I rarely eat sweets. Most of my meals contain vegetables and meat. I do not eat junk food. It's quite the mystery and it makes me sad. I also had been walking every single day and doing zumba three times a week, but when I realized that I was packing on the pounds, rather than shedding them, I got so depressed that I stopped being active all together. I just gave up.

Now I'm even thinking so far as to get diet pills.

I do not have a full-time job yet, but I'm freelancing for my old newspaper and helping my dad out at the hospital on weekends. But it barely pays the bills and I haven't been shopping in months. I just have to take it one day at a time.

I'm still with my boyfriend, who I think I mention on here occasionally. We've been dating for five years now, although we still haven't celebrated our milestone anniversary, due to lack of funds.

Shit this all sounds depressing, doesn't it?

But I'm seriously okay. I'll make it, I think.

Thanks for caring.