The Real Me

I look like a potato today.

I am so sorry to have to tell you this news. I know most of you had this illusion that I, Jennifer Fabulous, am this gorgeous, perfect goddess, who has never even seen a bad hair day. But it's not true. There are actually days where I look like something you should cook in a stew.

This revelation most likely comes as a huge shock to you. I feel awful. Sort of like I'm revealing to you for the first time that you were actually adopted. (You're weren't. I don't think so. Shit. Maybe.)

I wish I could be one of those flawless beauties who gracefully sits down on an uncomfortable chair and makes it work. I'm not. I'm the tangled hair girl who sits on the chair and gets the cushion stuck to her ass.

I'm the girl who tries to act seductive, only to have the guy ask, concerned, "do you have something in your eye? You keep twitching."

I'm the girl who doesn't know her wrap skirt isn't tied properly and suddenly realizes in horror that she's walking in her underwear down the school hallway.

I'm the girl who makes awkward jokes at inappropriate moments.

I'm the girl who accidentally hits "send all" on a dirty text meant for her boyfriend.

I'm the girl who somehow gets an entire bottle of ketchup all over her outfit and hair during a first date. And when the guy tries to help, gets the entire mustard bottle all over him.

I'm the girl who looks like a potato when she doesn't wash her hair for two days.

That is Jennifer Fabulous. I'm awkward. I'm ridiculous. I'm me.

Now that I've introduced myself (two years into this blog), let me transition to the next phase of this post: My blogging game.

You can catch up on it here.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot to you.


My family

(I had to clump them all together, I'm afraid).


Rian

(Our four year anniversary is in mid-November. Holy shit).


Kerrie

(Duh.)


Jenn

(She has been like a sister to me for 13 years...she's getting married in a couple weeks. I still can't believe it).


Jonny

(The male Jennifer Fabulous, who is a musical star in Branson).

Now you know the real me and my inner circle.

I am exposed.

Halloween Weekend

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

I was kind of pleased that Halloween ended up being on a Sunday, because it meant I could celebrate it all weekend.

Rian and I kicked off the weekend by going to a pumpkin patch.

We got to pet horses, chase chickens, feed llamas, pick pumpkins, drink hot cider, and go on a hayride.








On Saturday night, Kerrie and I attended a Halloween party for a mutual friend.



Kerrie went as Rocky Balboa! Unfortunately, in this photo her boxing gloves are off.



I went as a 1960s bedtime person. Sadly, that was a very last-minute costume decision after my Tom Cruise Risky Business ensemble fell through. But at least I got to wear my actual 1960s vintage nightgown and robe out in public! Plus, there is nothing cozier than attending a party in pajamas. It was such a pleasant experience, I may have to do it again.



A few random pics of the night:







Kerrie and I kept it pretty tame that night, surprisingly. We just enjoyed spending time with friends we haven't seen in ages and admiring all the cool costumes.

How was your Halloween weekend?

Have a Great Weekend!

I just want to declare that I have the most awesome and sweetest blogging friends and readers in the entire world.

Your comments over the past week have really lifted my spirits and honestly, made life a little happier for me. Thank you! I feel so lucky to know such amazing people and have such support. :)

I also wanted to update you on the kid who verbally attacked me. The assistant principal of the high school called me yesterday to let me know the kid was found guilty, after school and bus administrators watched the bus footage of him harassing me. The kid is banned from riding the bus ever again, has after-school detention for the rest of the year, has to see a school psychologist once a week, and was given a "plethora of other punishments that will ultimately affect his grade." I truly hope that kid learned his lesson: racism is not cool and you don't mess with Indian girls!

Anyway, in the spirit of Halloween weekend, I thought I would share something that came out a week or so ago.

This video kind of freaked me out. It shows 1928 footage of a Charlie Chaplin film premiere where a woman appears to be talking on a cell phone. She seems to be gripping something to her ear and talking.

This video has made its way around the news recently, stirring up theories of time travel.

I don't know, the video gave me the creeps. I thought I would share it and see what you think.



And here I go with my blogging game again! I am determined to finish this damn thing. Haha.

Day Five: Six things you wish you could change or you wish you’d never done.

1. I wish I had been more careful with my body in the past three years, so these 30 pounds wouldn't exist right now.

2. I wish I had taken that fabulous job before I got laid off...and before they gave it to someone else.

3. I wish I had started working on my writing project earlier, rather than being depressed.

4. I wish I had been a better friend to her.

5. I wish I hadn't let him back into my life.

6. I wish I hadn't spent all my savings on clothing, handbags, and jewelry. I should have saved up for a new car.

Want more Jennifer Fabulous?

...then check out this interview by the gorgeous Lauren Lanza Osias!

Why do you hate me?

I debated about sharing this on my blog, but eventually realized that it needed to be addressed.

A couple days ago, I was walking in my neighborhood when a school bus drove past me. A teenage boy rolled down his window and shouted at me, "Go back to India, c-nt!"

Already feeling crappy, my hurt feelings and shock took a back seat to my anger. I chased the school bus down and jumped on board. I got the name of the kid from the bus driver and found out what school he attended. When I got home, I called the school bus company and the high school principal.

Yesterday, I met with the assistant principal of the high school. They are going to review the bus video and then suspend the student.

I'm glad I nailed the punk, but I'm still bothered by the incident.

I'm pretending not to be. I brushed it off to Rian (who was there when it happened). I never even told my parents because I didn't think it was worth it.

But it does bother me a lot. This kid, without knowing anything about me, felt hatred towards me because of the color of my skin. It is the first time in my life I have been the victim of a racist attack of any kind.

He has no idea that I can't "move back" to a country I have never been to. He has no idea that I've never even been outside the United States at all. He has no idea I'm not even fully Indian. He has no idea I don't know any language other than English. He doesn't care either. He sees a brown person and believes what he wants.

But the attack wasn't personal. It wasn't against one person. It was against an entire nation. It makes me wonder why this kid hates Indians so much. Did his dad lose his job to an Indian? Did an Indian kid make fun of him earlier in life? Does he hate Indian food? Or maybe he simply hates immigrants in general and assumed I was one of them?

If it's the immigrant card, then he's an idiot. The United States is a country that is built on immigrants. So unless that kid is a full-blooded Native American, he hates his own kind. He hates his great-great-whatever grandparents who came over on the Mayflower (or, most likely, jumped ship here from various European countries less than 200 years ago). Way to be a traitor to your ancestors, dipshit.

But, of course, that is a theory and I will most likely never know the reason behind the attack. Who knows why people are racist? Who knows why they are sexist? Who knows why they are homophobes? We've come a long way in this world, regarding those areas, but we still have a long way to go.

Let's hope every new generation gets a little more tolerant, and a lot less ignorant.

Jennifer (Not So) Fabulous

When I was 19, I slipped into a deep depression.

I chopped off my hair with scissors on a whim one day. I never wore makeup. I had really bad acne. I shunned anyone in my university who tried to be my friend. When guys hit on me, I thought they were insane and I treated them as such. I wore pajamas to class. I spent literally all my free time getting lost in computer games like The Sims and reading romance novels. It was pathetic.

A year later, I got a boost. My acne mysteriously disappeared and has never returned. My journalism professor went behind my back and signed me up for the school newspaper, of which I eventually went on to become an editor. The hot guy I had a crush on became my college sweetheart. I suddenly looked in the mirror and saw a pretty face staring back. It's amazing how much confidence changes a person. My interest in fashion returned and all of the sudden, I was shopping all the time. I wore cute outfits and curled my hair. I made close friends. I was happy.

Six years later, it seems I have crashed right back into the valley of darkness, or I'm drawing near. But it's different. Instead of acne, I have 30 pounds of fat. Instead of lack of friends, I have lack of money. I have a boyfriend who loves me, but I don't love myself. Instead of confronting my reality, I drown myself in Scrabble and Bejeweled games on my iphone.

I just don't feel like I'm here. My brain is foggy. I'm always tired. I'm always unmotivated. The only happiness in my life these days is hanging out with Kerrie. If I didn't have her, I would be so screwed. That should be enough, but it isn't. I feel like I need a jolt. I need someone or something to wake me up. I need another boost.

This year has been so awful. I was laid off from the newspaper. My grandmother unexpectedly passed away. Kerrie & I got involved in a devastating situation that lasted almost six months. One of my friends was committed to a mental institution (twice). I drained out my savings. A hero in my life turned into a villain. Other shit here and there.

I'm trying to get back on track though. A close friend of mine, who is a producer at our local NPR station, gave me a freelancing gig, which is awesome. So I am keeping my brain busy and being a real journalist again. It doesn't pay the bills, but it gets me back in the game. I joined Jazzercise, so if I keep it up, the pounds should be shedding. I also joined a writing group, which has been a lifesaver for my project. I'm crossing my fingers that these things will turn my life around and make 2011 a great year for me. I can only hope.

Anyway, if you've read all of this until now, then you get the Awesome Award. I just wanted to update you on my well-being because I have gotten a few concerned e-mails from friends and readers lately.

And before I forget, here is the latest installment on my never-ending blogging game. You can read the details here.

Day Four: Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot

1. Food (What am I gonna eat for lunch? What am I gonna eat for dinner? Should I have a snack tonight? Gee, I wonder why I gained 30 pounds this year?)

2. Money (mostly fantasizing about having some)

3. New words I can use in Scrabble (I am a sad, sad person)

4. Shopping (mostly wishing I could go)

5. My writing project (this actually never leaves my mind...does it count?)

6. My teeth (I...have no explanation for this. I'm sorry.)

7. James Franco (yummmmmmmmmy)

Well, there you have it. That's what it's like to be inside of my brain. Fan-fucking-tastic, isn't it?!? Sort of.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great week! Thank you for reading my incessant rambling! I have several more guest posts coming up for you crazy kids, so stay tuned!

Guest Post: Scary Sexy Halloween Costumes

I'm kicking off my weekend with an adorable guest post from the lovely Liv. Her blog, Idle Fascination, is a mixture of fashion and awesomeness, with a dash of random fabulousness. Check out her blog and you will know exactly what I mean! Liv is a lot of fun and a total sweetheart, so I was thrilled she agreed to guest post for me. Definitely check out her blog and I hope you enjoy her guest post!

PS. I hope you all have an awesome weekend! xoxo


The illustrious Jennifer Fabulous is a tough act to follow. So naturally, when I jumped at the chance to write a guest post for her, I promptly came down with writer's block. And then it came to me, why not write about a timely topic that makes me deliriously happy: Halloween?!

Well, lo and behold Refinery 29 beat me to it with their round-up of "The Most Ridiculous Sexy Halloween Costumes". Ah, the "sexy" insert-virtually-any-noun-imaginable-here Halloween costume: skanky cop-out or just good clean fun? Hey, I'm in no position to be Miss Judgypants, as I've been known to tart up a Halloween costume or two in my time. But some of these are, for lack of a better word, utterly ridiculous! Refinery 29 couldn't catch them all, so here's my Top Bottom Five Best of the Rest of the Worst, or something like that. Be afraid:

1. Sexy Skunk: Let's hope this comes in Unscented.



2. Gumball Machine: I'm sorry, but if your lady bits shoot out Jawbreakers, you may want to get that checked out. And not by the guy at the bar in a lab coat dressed up as Guy Neckologist.



3. Snooki: No doubt there will be a lot of Jersey Shore-inspired costumes out and about this Halloween. And with good reason, orange skin is very seasonally appropriate. However, here is the description of the costume: "Includes dress. Does not include shoes, wig or jewelry." Um, really? Not even a Bumpit?! What's the point?



4. Sexy Family Guy Brian Costume I honestly can't decide whether this is awesome or profoundly disturbing. Maybe a martini (or six) will help...



5. Sexy Big Bird (And Cookie Monster, and Elmo...) Can you tell me how to get... to therapy so I can attempt to salvage the remnants of my severely fractured childhood innocence? (And get me another martini so I can deal with the fact that they've snubbed arguably the sexiest of the Sesame Street monsters: The Snuffleupagus. Appalling!)



A huge thanks to Jen, for letting me contribute!