Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Taco Bell Guy

This afternoon, my parents and I went to Taco Bell.

We hadn't been there in years. We're more Chipotle people.

Anyway, as soon as we entered the place, we encountered a beaming 20-something-year-old guy juggling hot sauce packets.

When we approached the counter, he dropped them all.

"Oh, excuse me, my juggling skills are a bit rusty," he said, with a dazzling grin, before reaching on the floor to pick the packets up.

"What can I get you?" he asked.

We told him we needed time to think.

"Well my name is Scooter, so if you need help with anything at all, please holla at me," he said enthusiastically.

My dad eyed the menu skeptically.

"Is the Doritos Loco Taco any good?" he asked.

Scooter's eyes popped out their sockets.

"The Locos Taco is the most delicious item we have on the menu," he gushed. "And I'm not just saying that as your Taco Bell representative."

He put his hand on his heart.

"I actually had the distinct honor of meeting our guy out in Dallas who invented the Locos Taco," Scooter added. "It was a privilege. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life."

I laughed. But my parents looked impressed.

When my parents and I finally decided to order, Scooter was very involved.

"You can't just order one Locos Taco! You need at least three!"
"Get a combo!"
"If you add an extra burrito supreme, I'll add an extra cheese sauce for you on the sly."
"Come on this is Taco Bell, everything is good."

By the time we brought our food to the table, my parents and I spent ten minutes trying to figure out who had ordered what. Why was there so much food? Who ordered the kids meal?! Wait, why did we order four drinks?

In the middle of our meal, I looked up and almost choked on my nachos. Scooter was standing right in front of us, grinning. How long had he been there?!

He sat down in our booth, across from me.

"In 1987, my parents went to a huge family reunion, everyone in the family was there, and it was held at a Taco Bell," he told us, solemnly. "One day later, I was born."

I stared at him, dumbfounded.

What the fuck? Why was he telling us this? Why was he sitting with us?

I looked at my parents, expecting them to be equally horrified. Instead, they seemed genuinely touched.

"That is a beautiful story," my mom said to him.

Scooter beamed.

"Our cinnamon twists are really good," he said, before taking our trash away.

My mom immediately went up to the counter to order cinnamon twists.

When we walked out of the restaurant, my mom couldn't stop talking about Scooter.

"Now there is a young man who loves his job," she said. "What a sweet guy. I'll definitely be coming to Taco Bell a lot more now. What a nice place."

I trudged behind my parents, still trying to comprehend what had happened. I glanced down at our receipt and almost fainted.

Normally when we go to a fast food place, our bill is around $10. This receipt said we spent more than $25. AT A TACO BELL. FOR THREE PEOPLE.

And that's when the realization hit me.

Scooter is a fucking genius.


Erik (Drunketh) said...

I was drunk the other morning and I went to Taco Bell for the first time in about a year and got a crunchy taco supreme and a soft taco steak whatever and it FUCKING SUCKED BALLS! I've never had a fast food meal suck so bad. Not only did it sober me up, but this is the last time after the last time. No more of these fucks.

Alex said...

Goddammit he's a fucking genius. I haven't eaten Taco Bell in 5+ years. Is it any good still?

Erik (Drunketh) said...

There's a fucked up part of me that still and will always want Taco Bell. After all, when I was a child, my next door neighbor and friend's dad was manager at the place. Till this day he claims that a homeless bum in the back alley shit in the beans and that's why we can't remember the baseball rapes... but I'm probably getting that mixed up with Mysterious Skin.

But aside from all that drama, the chips got WAY worse (bad move, long ago), the food got less flavorful, and well... quality service has certainly gone downhill due to texting on the job.

Barry said...

I kept waiting for the punchline to this story. This ACTUALLY happened? Was Scooter (real name?) some forty-something who still lives in his parents' basement?

David Macaulay said...

oh me lord - this is a great tale and this guy's talents are obviously wasted at Taco Bell. If I ever go there the server is usually twitching and dribbling out of the side of his mouth and you have to give the number because he won't understand words like quesadila (however you spell it)

Meri said...

that is so bizarre- imagine if that was your job?

Mouthwash said...

LMAO!!!!!! DAMMIT that bastard IS a fucking genius!!! What the hell?!

I went to taco bell while we were moving had been like...5 years. Upon entering the, a black spider crossed my path. I left.

Sherin said...

Lol! Scooter is definitely a genius! I love his enthusiasm too! Hilarious.

The Grande Dame said...

That picture of all the orange wrappers made me want to eat Taco Bell and I've never even had it before. Genius/psychopath - it's a fine line.

The Dainty Dolls House said...

Haahahaaa...that was awesome!! He is genius...sly devil he was!! Charm his way into your money pockets!! I loved it. Not been to a Taco Bell in years!! Brilliant. Hope you have a super week doll :) x

June said...

Teehee I'd love to meet him! He definitely sounds like a fucking genius! LMAO that was one funny post!
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Shannon said...

Great story. Scooter has big things in store for him.

And I agree, Chipotle is better.

Pratishtha Durga said...

He probably OWNS the Taco bell chain by now, from the sound of it! Parents are SOOOO Gullible... I wonder sometimes if we all too would grow up into people who fall for such stories... Scooter sounds like a motor mouth...

Emily said...

Oh my goodness funniest story!

Josie said...

At work. Literally just laughed out loud reading this. Scooter... You're brilliant. I've never actually been to Taco Bell because it totally freaks me out, but I have to admit that I find the Dorito taco shell embarrassingly tempting.
xo Josie

Pop Champagne said...

LOL! I do love Taco Bell though, their food is pretty damn good

SG Angela said...

he is good uh....

Oh to Be a Muse said...

Scooter is a genius! His creepiness seems to work on unassuming people like your parents. If you weren't there, he would have had them owning a Taco Bell franchise by the end of the meal.

Blond Duck said...

Scooter was playing you!

Gayatri said...

I've never eaten at Taco Bell. After this post, I probably never will!

Dina's Days said...

That picture of your tray is PRICELESS.

Dina's Days said...

wait, is that your tray? regardless, this story was amazing.

Julie Khuu said...

Hahahaha this is an incredible story! Beautifully written and recounted as if I were there with ya! It's peeps like Scooter that make this world a better place, dontcha think?! ;D

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Courtney Erin said...

Shit, Scooter totally is a genius. Too funny.

Courtney ~

A BRIT GREEK said...

Oh man i'm still chuckling away.... That tray picture - for real or are ya just having us on? Besides, shouldn't the sign say Taco Hell?

Either way Scotter boy is a freakin' Genie man!

Cafe Fashionista said...

Hahahahaha! I seriously almost fell off my chair laughing about this. I'm think Scooter should be a politician! :P

Couture Carrie said...

I love Scooter!


P.S. Also love that T-Mobile commercial :)

Betina said...

Glad I stumbled on your blog! I enjoyed reading it—so full of inspiration! Following you!

Travel à la Mode

PS. It's a good laugh on a Tuesday! :)

Imogen said...

Yes, you are right! What an interesting experience. It's funny to see someone with that much enthusiasm for a job. I've always wanted to go to a Taco Bell and know if it was ny good because I've heard so much about it over here.

Arielle-HumblePieVintage said...

haha what a weird experience. 25 dollars!?!

Christina Lala Lamz said...

I wish the few visits i pay fast food places were this exciting :D I like the fish-eye shot!

Olga said...

I have a confession to make. I have never been in Taco Bell :(

Anonymous said...

This story just made my day! Haha, I'm laughing so hard right now!

Ramblings of a Redhead said...

I laughed through this entire post. I thought, surely there is a punch line...Surely this is a joke...This is AWESOME. So, how was the dorito taco? now I'm craving one...Hilarious post, thanks for the laugh. Well, really I should be thanking Scooter ;)