I know I'm going to regret this later, but I really feel like this is necessary.
I need to vent.
If you have been following my blog long enough, you already know what a terrible year it has been for me so far. I was laid off from my job in January, lost a friend to suicide, and now am quickly running out of funds as I struggle to find a new job. Oh, and my laptop and my phone broke twice in the last month.
I always wondered how many more punches I could take from life before I finally unraveled. Now I know.
For the past three weeks I have been incredibly sick. I caught a coughing illness from my parents. They had it for a month before getting over it. Mine seems to be getting worst. I wake up in the middle of the night coughing so deeply it hurts and choking on air. It's almost like I have so much oxygen in me, I'm suffocating on it. I have no voice. I'm going to have to see a doctor all over again, which I can barely afford right now.
I would be able to handle that if it were not for another major blow in my life.
My relationship is hanging by a thread right now.
If this thread breaks, I will have to move back home to another similar situation.
Its funny how girls end up dating guys who are exactly like their fathers.
What's even worse is that I truly don't feel like I have that many people to turn to right now.
I can call my friends and they would sympathize, of course. But that's all they can do.
Nobody can save me. Nobody can pick me up and carry me away and make everything feel better. I have to do that myself, I guess.
But I'm exhausted. And I'm sad. And it would be so nice to fall asleep and never wake up. But don't worry, I'm not going to do that. I love my mom too much to do something so stupid.
I'm just here. Wishing I could be somewhere else. Waiting for something happy to happen before I break apart...