Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Do you believe in reincarnation?

Sometimes when I'm desperately unhappy, I try to concentrate on where it stems from.

Because most of the time, my feelings of frustration and emptiness don't directly come from the obvious reasons in my life, such as lack of money, lack of job, and loss of friendships.

There are indescribable feelings of pain I've been having for pretty much my entire life.

And the closer I look, the more I realize I simply don't feel like I belong in my generation. I feel like a stranger among people my own age. And as the years go by, I feel the distance increasing.

It's like I don't relate to anyone anymore. It's confusing.

As long as I can remember, I have always felt like I belonged to another generation. Not the glamorous 1920s, or something exotic like Cleopatra-era Egypt. But more like merely 40 years ago. It is such a strong feeling, that sometimes it overwhelms me.

I don't think my feelings are unjustified either.

When I was three years old, in 1987, an incident occurred that my parents still bring up to this day.

I used to talk incessantly about a life which didn't involve them. I told stories and spouted names that were so detailed, my parents were stunned. It got to the point, where it was all I could talk about. My parents were completely freaked out. I was like something out of a horror movie, going on and on about stuff that had happened to me, and how I missed certain people.

My parents took me to several child psychiatrists. Finally, the last one they took me to gave them an explanation that the others had been too embarrassed to bring up: reincarnation. He told my parents that he truly believed I was remembering incidents and people from my past life.

Well, when I turned four, my stories started to dwindle. And by the time I reached five, they were gone.

And now, while I remember tossing and turning in bed, at three years old, remembering things with clarity, I don't remember what they were. I don't remember incidents, or places, or faces, or names.

The stories my parents repeat to me now, don't mean anything to me anymore. They don't jog any memory or feeling.

I will most likely never know what I had been talking about.

But sometimes when I'm walking outside, and the sky is a dreary gray, and the wind is blowing through my hair, and all the elements add up, my heart does a little jump. I feel a sharp tinge of nostalgia.

And then I'm left feeling alone.


Arielle said...

That's a cool thing to think about. You never know, something like that could happen.

Despina T. said...

keep believing!sorrow times are hard, everyone needs hope :)

Bonnie said...

I don't have an opinion on reincarnation. I certainly think that it is a possibility. Do I believe in it? I don't know, but I am open to its potential existence. Your story definitely makes me think a little harder about it. I'm not sure if we will ever know the truth -- which is both fascinating and frustrating.
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

Anonymous said...

I don't know if I believe in it or not. I do believe that when you die, you don't just die...something else has to happen, right? Whatever that something is.

Fashion, Art and other fancies said...

Whether one believes in reincarnation or not this is such a grey, sad and moving story.

Movies on my Mind said...

I think you're a creative being, and may have been since infancy. I also think that perhaps you think a lot and maybe even worry a lot about thing that you might not have any control over. It could be that you're a lost soul. That's not a bad thing to be. Some of the most interesting people in life fit that bill.

Just go with things Ms. Fab. It will all work out in the end.

Asta said...

coming from a hindu background, i certainly think it is a possibility. when i was little, i used to wonder what/how i was in my previous life. and i always prayed god to make me a rich princess in my next life. no kidding! i remember someone saying stuff like " if u kill an ant, you will become an ant in your next life and the ant will become human". i can go on and on abt this subject. i do feel like the soul never dies. after i die, my soul will go to a new born baby. i know, crazy amd very filmy!

Shannon said...

I'm not sure if I believe in reincarnation or not, but I WANT to believe.

Bunny Moreno said...

I def this there is truth in what happened to you-I wish your parents wrote down the names etc-I know I would have LOL I do believe some of us get to choose who we are with and I always felt strongly that I chose the father I have. I also feel like its no mistake that I have the children I have to. So although I am RC-I do believe that reincarnation is possible. xox

Lemanie said... know I've always been told I'm an old soul. I never realized what it meant til I just read your post. That's incredible that you were talking about people you didn't know but remembered. I guess it's one of the world's reincarnation possible?!? You are an old soul my dear and it can be rough.

Some of CJ's friends dress like they are in the 70's. The men wear fedoras, the girls wear hippie clothes in the faded colors, have farrah fawcett hair, and the men all wear satchels. I always feel like I'm in the wrong time when I hang out w/ them. They even listen to 70's music. It's so weird for me. I fear if I mention something current they will cast me out like I was talking madness...they even have flowers in their hair.....

Feel better sweetie! *BIG HUGS*

Rachel {Da Paura ♥} said...

Whether or not one believes in reincarnation, must recognize the beauty of your writing! I'm always amazing at your gift with words, and I feel that this post was written so beautifully -- it could almost be turned into a song or a beautiful book. KEEP writing Jennifer!!


Julia, the Thanksgiving Girl said...

Another beautiful post from you, wow. It is beautifully written too. I'm not sure what I think of reincarnation. I'm not opposed to the idea, yet I love to have a reasonable and logical explanation to all things life. If we're speaking personal experiences, and if past lives do exist, then I know for a fact who I was before being my present self, where I lived etc. My interests, habits and unexplainable character traits and knowledge of certain stuff support the theory and others notice it too. However, it never bothered me as much as it seem to get to you at times.

Barry said...

That's fascinating Jen, did your folks ever write down the names of people you mentioned?

I absolutely 100% believe that reincarnation is possible, have for some time. A couple years ago I got to sit down with a Hindu who told me his views. It was an amazing conversation.

Barry said...

And thanks for your comment tonight. I adore you more each day!


L.Voss said...

I believe in reincarnation completely I firmly believe I have lived several lives. I know this is why I have such a deep yearning for india and bengali culture. I dream about places that I have never seen or heard of in my life until i research what they are.

I know sometimes life feels like you cant breathe, but even when you think of the life you had before remember that you have opened your mind and heart to something extraordinary and that your spirit allows you to connect with it and it makes you special.

steve64501 said...

Yes, I believe in re-incarnation. Yes, I agree with that last psychiatrist. It is sad that adults react the way your parents did. That trained you to ignore those mental pictures and impressions your recieved when young. As a result you lost contact with them. But the very fact that when alone outside you can get a feeling of knowing you are part of something more. I believe your guardian spirits are still trying to communicate with you through your dreams. You might try Tarot. I have been doing Tarot readings and you can be amazed at what you can learn through them.
Remember always that you are a spirit on a journey. Try and learn the lessons so you can go beyond.

Couture Carrie said...

Hmmmm... I don't think I'm a believer in reincarnation, but I do feel like I might have missed my era - I think I was meant to live in the 40s... or maybe the late 50s...

Beautifully written post, darling!


FashionJazz said...

Wow, what a interesting post! Not sure what I believe in to be honest, but your story really does make me think...

I hope you have been well hun xx

Movies on my Mind said...

Re "PS. I like these retro bubbles on my screen right now. Is this layout new or have I been the stuck up bitch who never noticed them before?!"

The latter unfortunately Ms. Fab; though to compare you to a canine of the female variety seems rather abrasive. How many times I have told you to not devalue yourself so much?

Anonymous said...

When I hear certain songs, I have a flashback to me standing in front of a big fan in a grey room. I don't know what it is. I have no memory of standing in front of a fan. Even if I hear a song for the first time, if it has a certain sound to it, it will cause the flashback. Why!!!!

I got my short wig at a flea market. I don't know where to buy one for real lol.

Mabel Time

Meri said...

This stuff is really interesting- I'm not a "believer" in anything per se, but I also am not a "non-believer"- I find it interesting to muse about. I used to talk about my past life when I was three but it wasn't that recurring and I think it was my confusion about television and dreams... yours sounds pretty scary!

socialitedreams said...

loved this post....i've never felt that i was of this time either, longing so hard to have been born a generation earlier....i don't believe i've had actual names/memories of past times but i've never felt happy in THIS one

Cafe Fashionista said...

I have always been interested in paranormal phenomena myself, so I absolutely loved reading this, Jennifer! :)

Julie @ ROJ Running said...

I very much believe in reincarnation. I sometimes wonder if it's always one spirit each time of it parts of many selves come together to form a person. How many experiences have come together over time to make me who I am that I never knew about? Who was I in a past life? I think it's fun to imagine being a part of history.



Anonymous said...

I just stumbled across your blog via a Google search and came across this very thought-provoking piece. It's definitely an interesting, albeit highly controversial, subject - and one that seems very personal for you. So I'd like to begin by thanking you for bringing discussion out into the open about a subject that some would rather not discuss or contemplate for fear of ridicule.

Anyways, given how you perceive that your past life experiences may be reflected in your present "indescribable feelings of pain", it may prove to be beneficial for you to research this phenomenon further. Perhaps if you could better understand how your past relates to your present and precisely where these emotions originate from, it would help you to work through and ultimately resolve these feelings of pain and alienation from present society. In those regards, here are some general resources about the subject of children who recall past lives. As this is a very controversial subject, I did some careful searching on Google to locate only those resources which have been written by or reviewed by professors who work at respected universities. Hopefully what follows at least has some degree of credibility:

"Children Who Remember Past Lives"

Journal of Scientific Exploration (scroll down to "Phobias in Children Who Claim to Remember Previous Lives")

You also stated, "I will most likely never know what I had been talking about." Perhaps there may just be a way. If you do a search for "past life regression" on YouTube, you can find some examples of videos where people describe details of past lives under hypnosis. Just as hypnosis can be used to help a person recall specific details that their conscious mind has forgotten about a crime they witnessed or some other event in their lives, it stands to reason that it may also be able to help a person recall what they used to be able to recall about a past life as a toddler. However, I will be the first to admit that past life regression is a VERY controversial subject. Obviously this is a field that attracts a lot of quacks, and hypnosis can be dangerous if used improperly. Great caution must be applied here. But it still may be worth doing some research into.

Anyways, given the interest and thought you have shown about the subject, I thought I could do you some good by providing some investigative leads if you should choose to research this subject further. I just hope you can somehow work through your feelings of pain and alienation though.

Take care and be blessed.

Tights Lover said...

I think I know what you're talking about. I've had similar feelings before...just kind of achy/nostalgic for something you can't even put a finger on, I guess.

I've studied a ton of Buddhism the last couple of years. The religion I was raised in never made sense to me but for some reason Buddism, and the concept of reincarnation does. I've read a lot of stories about people either remembering past incarnations or even meeting someone they know who has passed in their current reincarnated form.

I'd like to believe it is true. Without it, our time here is so short...

June said...

OMG i totally believe in reincarnation. As you know, its quite believed here in India!