Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Erotic Fan Fiction

The hottest book around right now is, of course, Fifty Shades of Grey.

I refused to read the Fifty Shades series for a long time because of its stupid origin: the book is Twilight fan fiction.


E.L. James, the author, had written erotic Twilight fan fiction that became so popular, she simply renamed the characters, made a few tweaks, and released it as the Fifty Shades series. Now she's a millionaire.

I'm thinking Stephenie Meyer needs to get some royalties...?

Anyway, I've been a sucker for steamy romance novels since high school, so I decided to pick up a copy of the trash lit at my local grocery store.

So far, I'm bored with it. But I haven't gotten to the good parts yet, so who knows.

In tribute to Fifty Shades of Twilight, I thought I would share with you some other erotic fan fiction I delightfully discovered on the internet.

(I've attached links to the original sources, in case some of you get hot and bothered and want to read more.)

Perhaps some of these fan-scribed stories will score a book deal as well.


Harry Potter (Goes Gay)


Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley fall in love and become gay lovers. They take a road trip across the United States.

Best excerpt:

Ron slides his tongue over the back of my thumb, causing me to gasp quietly at the tickling sensation. He moves onto my pointer finger, evidently determined to capture every last drop of butter that I have horded onto my hand.

Best quote:

"Draco, just because I haven’t slept around a lot doesn't mean I haven't been interested in people," Ron said. "I dated one of the guys up in the Magical Creatures department, and crushed on a graduated Hufflepuff who came back at Dumbledore's request to help the Order, and fooled around with Lee Jordan. "

Cinderella (Gets Spanked)


Cinderella becomes Prince Charming's sex slave.

Favorite excerpt:

"Cinderella. You must obey," I said, as I took my hand and swatted across her crimson flesh, her skin moving violently, under the swift strike of my swing. Again I lifted, and came down full force. She shrieked under her muffled lips, but kept her mouth pursed and her wails, within. Satisfied, I stopped and began rubbing my hands across her buttocks, massaging at her aching bottom, that felt unusually warm. Her hips slowly began to thrust upward, pushing into my hands, meeting with them, begging them for more.

Favorite quote:

"Cinderella. I wish you to be more than just a servant in my court, I wish you to be my personal submissive."

Sweet Valley High (Goes Lesbo)


Best friends Jessica Wakefield and Lila Fowler have too much to drink at a Christmas party and get frisky.

Favorite excerpt:

Jessica pressed her lips to Lila's. The brunette tasted of chocolate and rum punch, and there was a strange hesitancy to her stillness as her raspberry-glossed lips remained immobile against the blonde's. And then all of a sudden the cheers of the other students were a roar in their ears along with the blood rushing through their veins and Jessica was gasping for breath because she'd lost hers in the most infuriatingly wonderful kiss she'd ever had the fortune to be a part of.

Favorite quote:

"...don't let any other girls catch you under the mistletoe, okay?"

Pride and Prejudice (Gets Kinky)


Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet have sex with tropical fruit...and each other.

Favorite excerpt:

Darcy then touched the thing near her mouth. Before she could bite into it, he took it away. He must have put it inside his mouth because she heard him saying, “very sweet, juicy and tasty.”

Favorite quote:

"I can taste your woman scent on the banana.”



christin said...

I read a paragraph over a woman's shoulder on the subway. Mind you this woman was a 40-something year old African American wearing a crucifix around her neck. I read about butt plugs and other shit and I wanted to say "Hey lady, you think Jesus would want you reading this shit?" but I didn't. But was lame.

Lisa said...

hahah i don't even know how to respond to this post.. but i'm amazed that the 50 shades of gray was based on twilight.. i haven't read them either.. but now i'm questioning whether i should hahah

Blond Duck said...

I will never read it now. Thought it was dumb before, think it's ridiculous now.

David Macaulay said...

funny Jen - not quite sure I can envisage Mr Darcy and fruit, tho

Chelsea Elizabeth. said...

I want to read it out of curiosity but I'm too scared because of how crappy its said to be! Haha. Plus I dont like twilight either.
and those stories are too funny!

<3Chelsea Elizabeth

Shannon said...

Hahahaha, these are amaaaaaazing.

I've read 50 shades. It was boring and elementary. And there were waaaay too many orgasms.

Barry said...

A blogging friend in Spain e-mailed me just this morning and suggested that I'd enjoy the trilogy. I'm not sure if she's read it yet but I'm waiting to hear her impression.

I leafed through a copy of Fifty Shades in the bookstore and didn't really find anything that evoked a reaction. Maybe I'm jaded, I dunno. I've read reviews on the books and have heard that a wide demographic of readers are housewives looking to spice things up a little. This wasn't stated derogatorily and if in fact this is the case then I think that's great.

I believe a story doesn't have to be graphic to be arousing. That kind of literature has its place, but the best erotic tales I've read hold a certain eloquence and are almost poetic at times.

By many of the accounts I've read Fifty Shades is pretty tame. Still I find it encouraging that the fastest-selling paperback in history is an erotic work. I'm not into BDSM but I'm glad it's being explored in a mainstream publication, hopefully it'll remove some of the mystique and stigma surrounding it and may encourage some people to pursue a better understanding of the psychology involved. That part appeals to me, and I've learned a lot from a couple friends exploring that lifestyle who have shared their experiences.

The Grande Dame said...

"woman scent on the banana" - so very wrong! I don't plan on reading these books either; I'm always put off books when everyone is crapping on about them like this. Also avoided the Da Vinci code & Dragon Tattoo sagas.

Stylish By Nature said...

Must read...Thanx for sharing !!

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Bravoe Runway said...

Oooo interesting! Sweet valley high had THAT kind of content? It was such a hit in the 80s...I am shocked as to how risque it was! Thank you for the comment that I reminded you of Angelina Jolie in Mr. Mrs. Smith...that is a compliment!!!

Mouthwash said...

Wait...really? 50 Shades is about Twilight? LOL I have refused 50 SoG simply because it was so popular, but now..I dunno! LMAO

Um...Cinderella better smack that man back! Princes are always the freakiest. I swear. Poor Cinderella. And, Mr. Darcy! I do declare!

lucia m said...

love it!


A BRIT GREEK said...

Bahahaha, Oh Jen you are so full of surprises...hmmm, will definitely be looking at all these in a whole new light thanks to you!

I caved very recently since a friend handed over the copy she never wanted back and insisted she wouldn't be buying the rest of the trilogy either.

I just had to see what all the fuss was about and read 50 shades of excessive use of 'holy whatevs' - I wanted to punch her in the face, seriously stop biting your lip woman. Yes it's a bit of mindless escapism, but I thought it would be more steamy, less repetitive and it is most definitely does not have a patch on Stephanie's Twilight books.

Luckily I didn't purchase...

starla said...

I've read even worse fan fiction, but also very good one. 50 Shades seems to be in the middle, leaning to the bad one. It's not for me, so I won't read it. And perhaps all those middle-aged women wouldn't buy the books if they knew there is more and better (or at least more kinky, especially the Harry Potter fanfics) on the internet, Some probably think that there's nothing like these books, but others might begin to read fanfics like her teenage daughters.

Sam said...

Oh gosh! I had no idea that seemingly innocent book characters were turned into erotic stars! Thanks for your honestly regarding Fifty Shades of Grey, I think I would have the same review.

JUST ME said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JustMe said...

I'll never understand sexualized fan fiction. ...Especially the Harry Potter kind.

As for the "Fifty Shades" thing - I'll probably never read it. Dungeons just don't do it for me.

Oh to Be a Muse said...

Hahaha, this is so weird. I had no idea these were out there. Aldo didn't know 50 Shades had any connection to Twilight, but I suppose it makes sense. I refuse to read those books.

But my fave on your list here has got to be Pride & Prejudice goes kinky...that quote was off the wall, lol.

The Redhead Fashionista said...

I can't say I've gotten sucked into the Fifty Shades of Grey series... Just not my thing, I guess! But the gay Harry Potter series seems hilarious. Hahaha!

Meri said...

haha- I would pay good money to see Colin Firth play THAT mr darcy... these are too funny!

Sazi Efionayi said...

haha...its ridiculous

this pictures are great

Barry said...

I can't believe I bought a copy of Fifty Shades this afternoon, for no other reason than to have an informed discussion with a friend who's been reading it and wants me to let her know what I think. Guess I'll check it out this weekend.

At least I got it on sale.

Couture Carrie said...

Love Pride and Prejudice!
Will not read 50 Shades...


Cailin´s Place said...

Kisses and have a nice weekend!

Kim (A Very Sweet Blog) said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Jennifer! HAHAHAHAHAHA I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Girl you are too crazy! I will never view these movies the same. Now everytime I watch them, I'm going to think about what you wrote. You are a genius girl. Someone needs to post this in a mag or something! You are kicks!

yiqin; said...

ah nice <3

Rachel Jensen {Da Paura ♥} said...

Wow, this is pretty crazy! Too funny!

Fashion Tales said...

Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett!, haha, you're hilarious! I was just reading something on this "Fifty Shades of Grey" that's been circulating around all week. I have not read it, and probably will not! Somewhere Stephanie is shaking her head with a slight eye roll! haha!

Midnight Cowgirl said...

I haven't read erotica, but those stories sound crazy.

Nav said...

great reading shades of grey

Anonymous said...

Is the link to the Cinderella one not working for anyone else?