Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Y-M-C-A!...or not

Okay, so I joined the YMCA today. Well, I signed up for their two-week trial just to test myself. If I go everyday, I'll get the membership.

Unfortunately (or purposely) I arrived too late to get any working out done, so Rian and I decided to go back tomorrow afternoon.

And also unfortunately as soon as I signed up for my trial, one of the most annoying people in my life walked through the doors, leaving the gym. Her name is Missy and she is the trophy wife of a millionaire CEO. She has giant teased bottle-blonde hair and an obsession with gaudy Coach bags with all the giant C's plastered on them.

For those who don't know, I am a newspaper reporter. And I have interviewed this woman for several stories. She's kind of a "public figure."

And it has been burdensome.

Story 1: The first time I ever met Missy was in December '06 when she stormed through the doors of our newsroom, demanding to see me. "I was dropping my daughter off at school and I was given a ticket for parking my car in front of the school! I demand you to write a story!" she screeched. The other reporters looked at me and snickered, while I tried to calm the woman down. "My daughter is a CHEERLEADER and all her friends saw me get a ticket and she is so HUMILIATED!" Missy continued. "My daughter's social life is at stake here! You need to write a story about how evil the police department is to humiliate my popular daughter. She's a CHEERLEADER!" I shooshed her out of the newsroom and out of boredom (and curiousity) looked up her complaint. And to my amazement, I found out that there was no law or sign condemning parking in front of the high school. So I ended up doing the story and getting the police department in hot water. They publicly apologized and took away her ticket and eventually put up a sign in front of the school saying "No Parking."

Story 2: So pleased with me, Missy decides to become my New Best Friend. In October '07, she invited me to cover a fundraising ball she was hosting for a friend's charity. She stood firmly by my side the entire night, introducing me to people as "my reporter." And then I realized after a couple hours that she was only introducing me to men. "I'm going to find you a husband," she drunkenly confided later that night. "A young girl like you needs someone to take care of her. You remind me so much of myself as a young single gal." Unfortunately all the eligible men she introduced me to were old enough to be my dad (or grandpa). I was also still in love with Rian at the time (we'd broken up for a brief period).

Story 3: In August '08 Missy called my cell, begging me to meet her at an undisclosed location because she has a Hot Story. I approached the address she gave me and it turned out to be a Wendy's. Missy's head was wrapped in a black scarf and she was wearing large sunglasses. "I can't let anyone see me here," she whispered. I was intrigued. "Because your information is that confidential?" I asked, in awe. She rolled her eyes. "God no. I just can't let anyone see me in a Wendy's. I'm addicted to their fries!" she replied. Her hot story idea turned out to be about her silly daughter going to Cancun for spring break. I never wrote that story.

And etc.

Ugh but to see her walk through those doors this evening was horrid. She looked up and squealed loudly, causing every single person to stare at us with interest.

"Oh Jennifer! Oh Jennifer!" she shrieked. "Do you go here? I had no idea!"

I feebly told her I just joined.

She went on to declare that we were going to be "work out buddies" and she was going to make me "love pilates until your butt falls off."

Oh, and she has more hot story ideas for me.

Dear god.

I mean, I want to lose weight and everything. But is this worth it? Two weeks spent dodging this woman. Great.

Wish me luck...


Kair Bear said...

Dear Jennifer,
If I may so bold as to invite myself, as mush as I despise working out, I would be more than willing to accompany you in this endeavor. I am dying to see this "Missy" in person. I think we could get some laughs out of it.
Even if I can't join you, best of luck.
P.S. I was a cheerleader, damnit.

JenBen said...

Oh Jenny, you are so funny. I loved this story and good luck with your other blonde bff ;-) Just think, after you work out, maybe you can go get coffee together and paint each other's toenails! I mean, the possibilities are endless! I'm sure she will put you on her speed dial now, you lucky duck :-) Lol...

Couture Carrie said...

Great job on joining a gym.
I hate Missy now; is that wrong?


Anonymous said...

Missy sounds awful!
Also, don't try to go every day - aim for about four days/week. If you try to go every day you'll burn out!

Elizabeth Victoria C said...

Haha oh my, that sounds like quite a predicament. Working out is painful enough without someone annoying like that there as well. Any other gyms in your area? haha

La Femme Chic said...

Is it wrong that I'm now going to be tempted to imitate her every time I comment??