Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Okay, I'm NOT ready
I'm sorry to go on and on about motherhood.
But after the death of the rabbits, my maternal aspirations went out the door as well. Because reality set in. One of my friends found out she's pregnant. She hasn't even told her boyfriend yet. On the surface, this isn't really that big a deal for me. I have two close friends who are pregnant. But they are 25 and married. They are excited. They are ready. My poor little friend isn't.
And it made me realize that if I were in the same position. I wouldn't be ready either.
Bringing somebody new into this world is a life-changing experience. From the day the child is born, you have to put your own identity on hold for a while and be a mom. You have to take care of the baby. Nurture it. Put it first. Until it's ready to take care of itself and god knows when that's going to be.
Once you're a mom, finding time for yourself is going to be tough. Want to hang out with friends? Better find a babysitter. Want to peacefully read a book? Hopefully the kid will let you. Want to be romantic with your husband/boyfriend? Good luck.
And I personally know that having a child would make me a round-the-clock nervous wreck. I'm already a worry-wart when it comes to my parents. (If they're late, I assume the worst. If they don't return my calls right away, I freak out). So if I had kids, I would never get any sleep. Random stuff happens to children all the time. Just recently, my cousin's three-year-old daughter accidentally severed part of her finger in a door. I almost fainted when I heard the news. Imagine if that happened to my kid...I'd have to be hospitalized too!
And right now, I want to enjoy being selfish while I can. I want to go out with friends any time I please. I want to spend a quiet evening reading a book and drinking hot cocoa, without being disturbed. I want to go for a walk and not have to worry about anything.
Someday I will have kids. But I'm definitely not ready right now.
I'm young and I want to feel it.
And all I can do for my friend is just be supportive...and thankful it isn't me.