Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Friendship Lesson



When you grow up, one of the biggest lessons you learn is that you don’t have as many friends as you previously believed.

Those friends, who you once thought were the most important people in your life, eventually go away. The phone calls stop. The e-mails get much more infrequent. Soon, your relationship is reduced to “liking” their cheesy Facebook status updates and occasionally receiving a mass text (i.e. “Merry Christmas! I love you all!”).

Remember your friend who used to sleep over all the time in elementary school? She’s living in Florida now, with her husband and new baby. She might remember how you wore “best friends forever” necklaces in 1995, but she also barely remembers your last name.

Remember your close friends in high school who hung out at your house practically every single day? You told your deepest and darkest secrets to them. You swore you would always be friends. Well, they’ve scattered across the Midwest, married or single, living lives that don’t involve you any more. Once in a while, one of them will write something on your Facebook wall like “I’m coming into town next weekend-we should hang!” and yes, you will hang with them that weekend, but realistically you’ll stop catching up with them some time in your mid-thirties.

Remember those dear college friends? You held their hair while they puked and you crashed on their couch a million times after parties. You were always there for each other through break ups, unbearable final exams, and unplanned pregnancies. You cried the day of graduation. They move on as well. They get jobs, get married, and move to other cities. Eventually, their kids will take up most of their time and if you’re lucky you will see them once or twice again before you’re 80, and spend most of that time reminiscing about how great college was and remember that one time….?

Don’t worry. You’ll still have friends. Friends you meet at work. Friends you meet through other friends. But many of them will go away too after a while. It’s life. You laugh and smile and enjoy spending time together, but then they move on. It’s the bitter realization.

But honestly, this post wasn’t meant to be bitter or upset.

I am just at a stage in my life where this discovery has become a reality. It is a reality, however, that comes with a somewhat happy ending.

Friends come and go, but only true ones last forever.

Most of us will have one true friend. Others will have two or three.
These are friends who may live in your town, or may not. These are friends who know you like the back of their hand. They visit as often as they can. They call you often to catch up. Your children will grow up knowing each other. If you’re ever in serious trouble or in a bad situation, they will do whatever they can to help. They care about you. They love you. It’s a bond more personal than family because you created it together. Because true friendship isn’t about who shares your blood or who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who came, and never left your side.

I think I have a friend like that. If I’m lucky, I’ll be right.

Do you?

46 comments:

Couture Carrie said...

Somewhat sad, but true, darling...
Love that quote about true friendship!

xoxox,
CC

Bren said...

Sad, and true. I think once you realize that not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime, you're ok seeing people come in and out of your life. Some friends are only there for a season, but if you're lucky enough to have that one true friend, that really knows you and loves you anyway, you're truly blessed.

xoxo,
Bren @ Chasing Beauty

Mouthwash said...

This post strikes such a cord with me. I've been slowly coming to the same realization that you have.
I've always considered myself a "loyalist" when it comes to friendships. I'll stalk you on FB, and call, do my best to keep in touch. But sometimes, you're left to wonder if such efforts would ever be reciprocated - or wanted, or missed. It's sad to think about life continues to move and rotate our friendships; sometimes forever only means a few years. Best to cherish all that we have I suppose.

I loved this post!

Amber
ambersmouthwash

Robin said...

Ha, I'm not sure yet. Get back to me in a few months.

Sandy said...

It's so true. And the older you get, the more friends come and go. Different stages of life change people. Those who get married, have children, go through a divorce. Some people come into our lives for a little while, fewer stay a long while and yes, fewer still stay forever.
I miss some of my friends ... nothing happened, there was no falling out, just life.
The positive side is that you get to meet new people, have new experiences and regardless of how long people are in your life, they add something to your life.

I hope you're doing well. I miss hearing from you and reading your posts. I know things have been tough. I trust you are OK.

Aquiles Damiron-Alcantara said...

Oh Jenny, I missed your heart-felt written words. As I come back to visit this corner of your life, I think about my friends and the virtue of your thoughts. As you point out, as life takes us to mew places, we discover new things and make new friends, but real friends will always tag along as we run through life's journey.

Aquiles

Julie (ROJ) said...

I've said similar things about friends before...quality not quantity. Also our needs change as we grow older and grow into ourselves the friends we so esily and openly loved at different stages of life no longer match us. It's sad but it'd also happy that we're growing and changing and constantly becoming a new version of ourselves. I think I do have some true friends though. Andrew and I have stayed friends since 6th grade...and I believe my current friend Tom and I will be friends until we die. They're both my BFF for very different reasons but neither is more precious than the other.

Josie said...

I'm young and to be honest, this post terrifies me just a bit. However, I'm pretty intense about my friendships with my closest friends -- we just refuse to grow apart. Friendships change as life progresses, and that's totally okay, but it's weathering those changes that I think proves real friendship.
xo Josie
http://winksmilestyle.blogspot.com

Grit and Glamour said...

Great post. I feel you. I've never been able to make lasting friendships with women. It kind of hurts, that realization. But you go on, and eventually you find that just one or two close relationships is enough.


♥ V

http://www.gritandglamour.com

Leia said...

This has made me quite sad :(
I don't really know if I have ANY 'true' friends like that!

Leia's Delights

FashionJazz said...

Beautifully said hun : )
Its really sad, but its part of life, I have been through the same thing, but I erally agree with you about true friendship : ) Have a lovely day xxx

Sherin said...

This is quite sad. It made me remember all the friends I had in school and how we thought we'd stay friends forever. And now, I barely speak to them.

I am still great friends with a girl I went to university with and hope we stay friends forever.

Vintage Vixen said...

What a wonderful and thought provoking post and I love the photograph.
My circle of friends has certainly got smaller over the years but I feel like I've got more close friends now than I ever have, probably because experiencing tragedy really shows who your true friends are. xxx

Maubrey said...

excellent post ..jennifer..love your blog//pretty nice contents...helps to learn some thing for a non-native speaker ....attractive and cool article(this post u wrote ) is cool as like my cool blog

Tiffany* said...

I love this post! It is so true, a lil sad, but so so true! Thank you for helping me put it into perspective.
beijos-Tiffany-http://imashoewhore.blogspot.com

Audrey Allure said...

This is such a great post, and exactly what stage in life I'm in right now as well. It makes me miss the old times a bit though, but I am lucky to have a few true friends around as well. :)

Pop Champagne said...

yup it's true, at the end of the day you only have yourself to count on! I don't even talk to anyone from my highschool anymore or even university for that matter...

fhen said...

this is true. such an inspiring post
i wonder how would me and my friends be 10 years from now.
thanks for sharing this, dear

xoxo

mariahsmile said...

However true it may be, at least you had the friends in your life and it made life more interesting! I've had many move away and not call, but it's always fun when you do hear from them! And its also true that the closest friends will stick around, but that's why we call them best friends!

Cafe Fashionista said...

Ooh, Jennifer this post broke my heart in one way, yet made me smile in another. Such a sweet, sentimental post. :)

Missy M said...

very true. I'm sad to say i dont.

Missy
Blending Style, Beauty and Fashion
http://thefashionfusion.blogspot.com

Tights Lover said...

I thought I did, at one time, but sadly, no.

This post couldn't be any more true.

I hope you're right and you do have a friend like that...everyone deserves one.

Laura Tenshi said...

I know, I figured this out in highschool. I was very lonely ever since childhood. People saw me as being cynical but I was realistic. When I hear things like, forever, never, I can't help but to cringe. No matter what, friends are just people who happen to live next to you, or that happen to be in the same class as you and so on. Of course, when you move on with your life, go to your next stage, they disappear from your life too, because only the circumstances brought you together. So, for me, making friends was always difficult. You are very lucky to have one true friend, it's about quality not quantity.

The Owl's Closet said...

i couldn't agree more, jen. sad, but true:) u know, this has been going through my mind lately, too. like u said, we're in that stage in our lives:) thank u for sharing this post!

TheOwlsCloset.blogspot.com

lauren lanza osias said...

yeah. being a military wife i've had to learn the hard truth about friends. it's hard to make them and sometimes it's even harder letting go. i struggle with having that group of friends to go grab lunch or dinner with. someone to run to the mall. but it's true. the really amazing friends will never let you down.

http://laurenlanzaosias.blogspot.com
when's the last time you felt like a pretty, pretty princess?

Jonna said...

Aww, amazing post!
It's so sad but true.. I just wish friendships would last a lifetime..
I hope I someday find a 'true friend'. I thought I had found her but well, I was wrong..

Some Girl said...

Yes, I think I do! This post makes me so nostalgic but happy at the same time. Sometimes when we're drifting away from some people we're drifting closer to other people.

blackecstasy said...

yeah i agree.. thx u for sharing dear :)

Nubiasnonsense said...

Let me tell you something lol..

This is sad but VERY true. I have so many people I go out with, chit chat and have a blast with but a REAL FRIEND.. Through good and bad? Those are hard to come across.. I can say I definitely have 1.. maybe 2 at most.. I don't count my Boyfriend. Years go by and you get a job and want to work on a project maybe r whatever the case may be and friends just tend to stray away.. I make an effort for people I think are worth it and make the effort aswell

Heather Taylor said...

I do actually. A small handful of them. But I fear time will only tell how much longer they will be in my life and I in theirs. Not to be depressing or anything but our priorities are just different. We all move to different drum beats and that's just how it is.

beckyxoxo said...

Aww what a great post ! So true and honest and kinda sad . But yes I agree with you . I think I have one , thankfully ! :)

Lindsay With An "A" said...

Gosh, how true this is! I went through that a couple years after college. The good ones stick around forever though :) Hang in there! xx

http://lindsaylovesitall.blogspot.com

Cheryl: Oh to Be a Muse said...

great post! this is the reality of friendship. when i was young i wanted as many friends as possible, but i soon realized that it's ALWAYS better to just have a couple great friends instead of a gaggle of associates.

http://cherylclarke.blogspot.com

Damsels said...

i completely agree with you .. and i keep trying to tell this to my bf who cant face the fact that his friends have moved away from him .. i wish i could show him your post ..

chaoskontrolowany said...

Great post;)

www.majormusthaves.com said...

True friends do last forever!

Arjit Srivastava said...

Ah, absolutely perfect. One should always count on oneself. You may have those friends that say you two are going to be "bff," but "forever" does not exist when it comes to the relationships you build.

Beckerman Girls said...

This is a touching post!
You made me want to call up all my girlfriends and tell them how much I love them!!!
Your blog is FAB!!
Big kisses and love,
xoxoxoxo
Beckerman Girls

www.beckermanbiteplate.com

Fashion, Art and other fancies said...

I never had friends that slept over. My parents were far too formal for that sort of thing, but I still have a handful of childhood friends today.

Some friendships, like marriages, last a lifetime, and others last anywhere from six months to twenty years.

Savvy Gal said...

It is true people do grow apart. But it is part of life.

yiqin; said...

Love this post. I would have never gone through my tough times without my friends.

Rachel said...

I can definitely relate. Looking back on who I was friends with through elementary school, middle school, and high school, I couldn't even tell you where those people are today. It's unfortunate, but everything happens for a reason. And I'm lucky that I have three really good friends that have been around since high school.

Fashion Court said...

i LOVE this. unfortunately, i probably don't have a friend like that. shrugs. who knows why, but i'm convinced there are still some great friends out there!

The Trendy Fashionista said...

This is an amazing post! I really love it.

-TheTrendy Fashionista
http://thetrendyfashionista.blogspot.com

gleenn said...

yes, you're right. Because friends, are said to come at a time for a particular reason and purpose. When that purpose is done, they'd have to move on and someone new would come to fill another purpose, another reason. And yes, very few are friends whose purpose for you is life-long.

Dina's Days said...

It's crazy how friendships change the older you get. I guess it makes sense, you change as you get older and so does everyone else around you. But hey, I'm glad I have you as a friend..even if it is through a computer screen! Ha ha!