Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Friday, July 23, 2010

I just need to vent...

Have you ever had a time where EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong? One bad thing leads to another and suddenly you're wrapped up in this bundle of negative energy that simply won't go away...?

Welcome to my past three years.

The year 2010 has particularly been awful, starting with being laid off from my job in January. Things just kind of slid downhill even more from there.

This month has been NO exception.

Here are a few highlights:

The Case of the Missing Money

My unemployment benefits are supposed to last me at least six months. Imagine my horror a month ago, when I found out my unemployment claims have been DENIED. After only five months. With no explanation. Why? I might never find out! The only way I can talk to someone about my situation is by calling the Missouri Department of Labor. Every single time I call (20 times per day) I get the same message: "All our representatives are busy at the moment and our hold line is full. Please call again." And then the line hangs up on me. Fed up, I actually went to the Department of Labor to talk to someone and guess what: they told me I'm not allowed to speak to anyone in person about my situation and they gave me the phone number to call. The same damn phone number. It's so frustrating I want to jump off a bridge.

A college degree worth shit

I am an educated woman. I have a journalism degree and was a reporter at a major metropolitan newspaper for almost four years. And yet, after six months, I still cannot find a new job. In fact, I have only had one job interview. It has gotten to the point where my dad sadly tells me I'm a hopeless cause and my only option in life right now is to "lose 30 pounds and marry someone rich." That leads me to my next issue.

My Fat Ass

In the past month, instead of losing weight, I seem to be gaining weight. Even though I am walking an hour every day and eating healthier. So now I literally have no pair of pants that fit me anymore and I can't afford new pants. I am so depressed about this revelation that I can't even bring myself to write any more about it right now.

The Wrong Apartment

I live in a really good part of town. Unfortunately, I don't live in the right apartment. Apparently the guy who used to live in my apartment was a wanted criminal. In the past two years, I have had four incidents where police officers came to my apartment looking for this guy. Those incidents bothered me but I always shrugged them off. Then a couple weeks ago, I actually had a drunk man try to break into my apartment looking for the former tenant. The drunk man was kicking in the door and screaming. He was kicking the door so hard, the latch was coming unlocked. When the police came, he took off. The police caught up with him and then let him go because he acknowledged that he had the wrong apartment. Then the police told me that before I moved in two years ago, my apartment had been broken into several times. The former tenant had a lot of enemies, they said. Holy hell. So I went to my apartment building's administration office to see if I could be moved. After discussing it with corporate, they decided I could move to a different apartment but I would have to sign a brand new year-long lease. If I broke that lease, I would be responsible for an $800 fee, plus have to pay the rent for the rest of the year anyway. Obviously, unemployed and not even receiving unemployment benefits right now, that is an impossible choice for me. So, to make me "feel better" the manager installed a more secure, heavy duty lock on my door for free. But that doesn't put me at complete ease, knowing there are still angry people out there thinking my apartment still belongs to the former tenant...when I get a job, I am without a doubt moving to a new complex.

The Dead Laptop

Without money, I still have not been able to get a new laptop. I go to the library to fill out job applications and do an occasional blog. It really, really sucks. Again, I just can't bring myself to write too much on this topic otherwise I will burst into tears.

This would be a really good time for me to win the lottery right now, or at least discover that Warren Buffett is my great-uncle or something. Please?

Anyway, I'm sorry for venting and being depressing. I just wanted you to know what I was going through, because it has been tough. A nightmare of a month. And those were just a few of the things. If I listed everything going wrong right now, this post would simply be too long. Sigh.

Thanks for reading and please send me good vibes! I need them! xoxo


Fashion, Art and other fancies said...

Oh, so sorry to hear you are frustrated, sweetie. Don'tr give up on You! Find a nice forest nearby and go for long walks; that should help a bit.

Try aand remain positive. Sad to hear re. your benefits and you not able to find suitable job to match your education, but there is Light even in the darkest Hour.

Liv said...

Jen, do not apologize for needing to vent on your blog, we're here for you. I know bloggy friends aren't quite the same as real world friends but there are a lot of people out there who really care about you despite never having actually met you. And that means a lot of good vibes being sent your way. Copious amounts of positive energy!

English Rose ♥ said...

We love you SO much Jen!!! I think I speak for everyong when I say we are all here for you. The way I see it, everyone has crap to go through during their lifetimes, it's part of the deal of being a human. Just see it that you're getting all the crap in one go so that the rest of your life will be smooth sailing. Hopefully your life will take such a turn for the better that at some point in the near future, you'll be able to look back and laugh at what a nightmare it was and be amazed at the fact you managed to survive it.

Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you that your real surname is actually Buffet or Trump!

English Rose x

Robin said...

Hey, things can only get better right?

Finding a job with an English/Journalism degree is tough, I know! But it is doable. Stick with it! Something will pan out eventually.

This might not be helpful at all, but I got a little netbook for around $300 and it really satisfied my need for having a laptop. So, you may not be as far away as you think!

Feel better kiddo.

Angela said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry that you are having this kind of time. I hope that you know that you have my thoughts and prayers.

I know how you're feeling. It feels so hopeless right now. It just has to get better.

Ashley said...


I totally understand you on the job thing. I have a double degree from a top college, and I've been applying none-stop for jobs for the past year and a half, and have only had 2 interviews, no job offers. It sucks.

As for the "It has gotten to the point where my dad sadly tells me I'm a hopeless cause and my only option in life right now is to "lose 30 pounds and marry someone rich."" - that is awful! Did he really say that to you? Don't think like that, it's unnecessary negativity! But I can't say that the thought hasn't crossed my mind - it would be nice to stumble upon a millionaire who is head-over-heels in love with me and wants to buy me a house and whatnot, lol!

As for your apartment, that is so scary! I can't believe the landlord is making it so impossible for you to just change apartments! I hope you can work something out soon, bc I'd be scared to live there too!

But just remember, your luck will turn around. Karma and all that - you're putting up with the bad now, so that soon everything will be good, better than good! :)


JUST ME said...

Oh honey, I hear you loud and clear. The only way out for both of us is through, but being poor, feeling crappy, just KNOW you're not the only one and it's NOTHING you're doing wrong.

Let the universe know what you want. Realize that you deserve it. In time, good will come for BOTH OF US.

(hopefully looking like Jake Gyllenhall)

Tamara Nicole said...

Yes sending lots of good vibes your way dear! Hang in there it'll get better:-)

Sherin said...

Oh no! It's so bad to know that so much is going wrong. I'm with you for some of them. My politics degree is going to waste: I worked on the election campaign and did so much work for one of the political parties, and I can't seem to find a job at all.
And unemployment benefit people are useless here as well. I met the meanest man while there last week.

But oh my god at your apartment situation! That is awful.

But hopefully things will start to look up for you. I'm definitely sending you loads of happy vibes.

Julie (ROJ) said...

Oh I always wish there was something I could do for you. But then I remember you have people like Jonathan and Kerrie and they love you and take care of you. Hope things turn around soon. You need to make a movie of your life.

Bren said...

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this! Seems like they should move you to another apt, without you having to pay anything! Did they disclose to you that a criminal had previously rented your apt? I know that when buying a house, that information would need to be provided. Not that you want to, but you might have a strong case against them. I would speak to an attorney if you can. Renters do have rights. :)

Try to keep your chin up Jen. We're here for you. <3

Bren @ Chasing Beauty

Imogen said...

Jennifer, I am so sorry to hear about this and I felt so incredible sad as I read through your post. You don't need to apologise for writing about it on your blog, its a good thing that you have done so but I felt sad because its so unfair that so many terrible things have happened to you especially when you are such a beautiful and amazing person. In a way I understand what you mean about your degree. Even though I have not yet finished mine I often worry that after so many years of study there may be sometime when I cannot get a job. I know how difficult a degree has been for me so far and you have completed yours so you must have had more dedication and done more work than me so that doesn't seem fair at all. I'm also worried about you at your apartment you should definitely be allowed to relocate I think but please take care of yourself. Also don't listen to negative people or what your dad said to you. I know that is difficult but this is a hard time in your life which can happen to any of us. It in no way reflects who you are or your worth as a person. I can tell that you have already achieved so much, things you should be proud of and I hope you will keep that in mind and eventually things will get better. I'm thinking of you. Love xxxxx

Josie said...

My dear Jen, I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't quite going your way right now. That stuff about your apartment is SCARY. I have full faith that things will turn around, though -- everyone goes through periods where their life just sort of sucks. Keep your head up -- if you can convince everyone else that you're a winner, sometimes you even start to believe it yourself! And of course we're always here to listen!
xo Josie

Leia said...

Oh Jen! I wish there was something I could do to help you :(


Arjit Srivastava said...

Hold on to it, Jennifer. Yes. I have those days all of the time - so, can relate. Stay encouraged. :)

The reality is - nothing is ever truly smooth all of the time - it's part of the journey - and your outlook has a lot to do with it too!

Make a list of what went right... a good snack, something funny, not getting eaten by a shark or blah blah?

Hope things get brighter for you.

PS: Also, if you want to... you may read this article by an author Nalini, ( ) maybe, you like it. And it helps you out!

style said...

so sad to hear
get well soon

gleenn said...

hello girl, I had been following you blog for so long and I am amzed with your strength, after all these endless frustrations you're still there hanging on.

Just wonder, if things are really hopeless for you in there, why don't you try to come to Asia and teach? Bangkok for example is haven for a lot of Westerners who found it difficult to live in their country for the moment, they come to Bangkok and teach and live a grand life that they in no way could afford in their country. Most of them have no teaching experience nor teaching degrees.

Vintage Vixen said...

I'm so sorry to read about the crappy time you're having at the moment. It's sod's law that everything goes wrong at the same time, isn't it?
Take a deep breath and think of the positives - you've got beauty, your health, intelligence, close friends, a Dad with a wicked sense of humour and great head of hair.
Get any job, it doesn't matter that it may not be your ideal but it will increase your self-esteem and pay the bills. Badger the local newspaper and offer to work for free then at least you're keeping your hand in and doing what you love.
When you do eventually get hold of a Dept of Labour bureaucrat always ask for a name and a job title and note every detail so you have some form of redress.
Good luck! Positive thoughts and well-wishes from a great admirer. xxx

Couture Carrie said...

I'm so sorry, darling!
Sending good vibes your way!


Sandy said...

I understand on so many levels hun. You know that. Remember our 2008? Thank God that's over and things have been much, much better and things will get better for you too.
Don't stop walking and eating healthy. Don't give up because you will achieve your goals if you stick with it. Stress has a really bad effect on our bodies; weight gain being one of them.
As far as your father is concerned ... he's just a jackass. I know he's your father, but no one has the right to treat their child (or any other person for that matter) like that. I know it's easier said than done ... but try not to let him get to you.
I've missed you a lot.

Audrey Allure said...

I'm so sorry about this phase you're going through. Sending you good vibes & hope things look up for you!

Cafe Fashionista said...

I'm so, so sorry to hear all this, Jennifer. I hope that things get better for you soon. Please don't give up hope; things will work out. My prayers are with you - and loads of good vibes!! :)

Anonymous said...

Hello girl, I'm visiting you again using my shoe blog. It's Gleenn. I've linked you at Shoe Fetish . Please be so dear and link me back. Thank you. :)

Bonnie said...

Hi Jen, I am new to your blog having followed over from Vix.

I have to say amidst all the swirling calamity going on around you, you are remarkably strong. I say this because I am going through the same thing as you are and can identify with a few things. I have been unemployed for almost a year and a half. You'd think one year would be more than enough time to find a job! You are lucky in that you are young, I have the age thing going on. Hey, I think I'm the one that's venting!

Hang in there, I know that's a cliche, but really, hang in there. I am hoping for better times for myself and for you.

Sending good vibes your way, Bonnie

PS - you are a good writer!

Kristin said...

First of all, I hope you haven't taken those words about being a hopeless case to heart. You are an incredibly talented writer and your luck WILL turn. And secondly, I'm sending lots of happy thoughts your way!

mariahsmile said...

Good vibes definately being sent your way! I know how it feels for everything to be going wrong all at once! It'll get better, everything happens for a reason :)

Mouthwash said...

Oh hun. I feel ya sister! Life seems to be so damn hard these days. What's that about the economy getting better?? Haha.

Just keep your head up.
And no jumping off bridges. Your blog always makes my day - even if you're venting.


I'm hosting a JEWELRY GIVEAWAY! Stop by and enter for a chance to win! <- maybe this will make you feel better! :)

English Rose ♥ said...

I'm glad we're bloggy friends too =]

Merci beaucoup for stopping by darling - hope you had a lovely weekend!

Stay safe and chic ma chérie,
English Rose x

Rachel {Inspiration in Italy} said...

Jen, I really hope things turn around for you very soon. I know you must be so frustrated with everything. Stay stong! You are a bright, beautiful, intelligent lady who has so much potential for the future! You are young and I believe you will eventually overcome the obstacles and challenges.

Wishing you a much brighter day Jen!

Grit and Glamour said...

Aw, honey, I am so, so sorry for this spate of misfortune in your life! That was my 2009. It was drama, inability to find a job form many months, dwindling cash reserves, health issues, etc.

It's always easier said than done, but tackle one thing at a time. First, try to not beat yourself up about your weight. Stress releases cortisol which makes you gain weight. Since you are having a hard time finding a job and your computer situation is limited, use the extra time to take a longer walk, or switch your routine. Envision the body you want. Focus on just this one piece and up the intensity of your walks, or visit a nearby park with a friend and take a little hike if there is something like that near you. Eventually, it will pay off!

Second. You are a writer, and a good one. Write these experiences down and when you have some internet time, get the editorial guidelines for your favorite publications and submit your stories. You never know!

Third, your degree is NOT SHIT! I have a Master's in English, and didn't even go to J school. Re-tool yourself by learning the elements of writing for the Web. There are so many jobs for content editors and content developers. Use your downtime to study writing for the Web and Web usability. You have an awesome just need to explore another avenue. Since you're blogging, I'm thinking you would really dig writing for the Web. If you want to talk about this, please email me at and I can tell you more.

Fourth, volunteer. It gets you out of the house, allows you to meet other people, and takes the focus off your life. Pick something and go. You never know who you will meet, and who is in their network. Plus you are helping others, so you'll feel better about yourself and your time on the bench.

I'm so glad you posted this because you can see from all the comments that you are not alone. Just believe and act on what you can and things will fall into place. After my crazy 2009, I'm actually in a great job, making more money than I ever had! I'm driving a virtual dream car and I've tackled...and big health obstacle. So just keep telling yourself that this is temporary, and keep tackling every angle.

And when it all gets to tough, repeat this mantra by Lady Chablis of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil: "Two tears in a bucket, mother f*** it!" Then do a Scarlett O'Hara and resolve to think about whatever is bothering you today on some other day.

♥ V

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Sophia said...

Aw, darling, reading this made me so sad. Instead of focusing on the sadness, try and think positive. I imagine that must be truly difficult, but I mean, there's always someone worse out there. You are lucky to be such a beautiful, caring person. What I always remind myself of is that when things hit rock bottom, there is only one way to go... up. Hang in there hun, good things will come!

xo, Sophia

Damsels said...

jen im so sorry ! you brougth me to tears.. not because of pity or anything ... its just that i know what it feels like .. especially the fact that you cant write about some things .. trust me i know what its like to have everything collapse. of curse iwish icould share things personally with just you .. but im writing on the internet here.. i have some secret problems that i can never even bring myself to say aloud .. things that will last forever .

saadly i think that life really bottoms out sometimes ..hang in there. .things can only go up from here right?

have you ever considered teaching by the way ?
teachers are always being hired.

look outside of journalism at this point

i bet your stress is whats holding you back from weight losss ..dont blame yourself .

Heather Taylor said...

Miss Jennifer the Fabulous, hang in there. I went through a rough patch recently and having come out on the other side, I can promise you things WILL get better. Stay optimistic and positive. I can't stress this enough. I used to make lists of the good things in my life from the big cups of iced tea for $2 at Starbucks to having toilet paper to the sound of laughter. It really helped me out.
Keep trying with the job hunt. Call old professors, friends for contacts, go through your alma mater's job listings board (most schools have them), and (carefully) do the Craigslist scene. When I was unemployed for two months, I spent them staying up late every night, sending out resumes and cover letters galore. It was exhausting and difficult, but the effort paid off.
I really hope your dad didn't say that to you. How horrible. But hold your head up high and stay strong lady! You are beautiful and confident and I have every faith that great things are headed your way :)

Laura Tenshi said...

I really hope things will get better for you, please don't give up hope. Stay focused and keep tiring, eventually all of your hard work will pay off. I know it must be tough without a job but it can't be helped. No one is hiring now and it's so frustrating for people who have a college degree and spent a considerable amount of time studying for a future job that they no longer have or can't get. What are we supposed to do in this type of situation ?
About your diet, eating healthier, exercising and taking long walks will definitely pay off.
I can't even imagine the things you went trough because of that apartment, I would be terrified to know there are people out there trying to break in.
Please feel better, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Jonna said...

Aww, sorry to hear about all these things. Things can only get better!! x

The Trendy Fashionista said...

I wish you good luck. And think that that the end everything will turn out to be great.

Best Wishes

-The Trendy Fashionista

Closet Fashionista said...

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry about all that :(
But don't worry, things will get better soon! *sends good thoughts*

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Darling, that sucks understandably. Take it one thing at a time. I have been so incredibly frustrated by the job thing too. But vent and keep on looking. It may take a while, but you'll get there. In the mean time, you have your family, friends, and us to amuse you and give you support!

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry to hear you've been having a rough time, darling. :( I know it's tough, but try to think positive and be grateful for what you do have. You WILL get through this and create a much better life for yourself. Things will get better. Know that. And believe it. It WILL happen.

Unfortunately, finding a job in the journalism field is a rather difficult task these days. It doesn't matter if you're educated or not. Honestly, this is why I didn't major in journalism. With all the layoffs and newspapers and magazines shutting down, it makes it that much harder for people to find jobs. But someone, somewhere is looking for a talented writer like you and you will get a great job.

The stuff about your apartment is very scary. Hopefully you will stay safe and you won't experience any other incidents like that in the future!

Think positive! Everything will be okay.

Cheryl: Oh to Be a Muse said...

hey my dear! so sorry to hear about all these bad things happening to you. i get you completely as I also have a degree in journalism...sigh.

i've been feeling a bit down lately myself, but hopefully good things will come our way soon! and i love this photo of you! gorgeous.

Mina said...

I am so sorry to hear all of this. If I could I will cme live with yo right now & help you find a job! Lol, but I know it doesn't seem like this but, you'll be alright. You have a lot of support behind you, and I know they help you. Keep your head up high Jennifer. :)