We all know it's been an awful year for me. I could list all the shit that's happened, but I don't want to bore you. You know.
There have also been some good times.
There have also been times I couldn't bring myself to blog about. Mostly regarding Kerrie.
We've had...an interesting year.
But I can't keep secrets.
So, instead, I thought I would play a game with you.
For each season of 2010, I will give you two stories. One of the stories is true. The other is not. You have to guess.
Kerrie and I were key witnesses in an attempted murder trial, regarding a mutual friend and her ex-boyfriend. We were watching a movie at my apartment when he came over and started yelling at our friend because she wanted to break up. When Kerrie called the cops, he chased our friend around the apartment with a knife, while Rian tried to tackle him. He eventually fled, but the police caught up with him 20 minutes later and arrested him. Kerrie and I had to stay at an undisclosed location for two days before the trial took place, because he had threatened our lives as well.
After a couple bottles of champagne at a New Year's Eve party, Kerrie and I snuck into my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding the key under his welcome mat. He was visiting relatives in Africa at the time, so we simply ran around the house, drank all his liquor, tried on his sister's expensive designer clothes, and then passed out on his staircase at 3 a.m.
Kerrie and I found ourselves at the wrong place at the wrong time one afternoon. It resulted in us being chased by the cops, an ongoing investigation that lasted five months, and thousands of dollars spent in legal fees to fight a felony charge and six months in jail. Our lawyer was a wise-crackin' bad ass from New Jersey who only defended drug lords and serial killers. We were a special case for him because he owed my ex-boyfriend a favor. In August, the state finally admitted we were wrongfully accused because of shoddy police work and the case was dismissed. We never even received an apology and the law prohibits us from suing.
Kerrie and I briefly met a very famous fashion designer who was in town visiting her parents (she grew up here). In order to do so, that morning Kerrie and I had pretended to be architecture students from the nearby university and we had convinced the hotel's manager to give us a tour of the historical hotel. We snuck into the hotel later that night and went straight to the presidential suite, armed with a camera. We were incredibly excited. We knocked on the door and announced we were maids. When she opened the door, we saw she was with a man who was not her husband. She was PISSED and yelled for her assistant. Her assistant cornered us in the hallway and threatened to call the police. To save our ass, we signed a confidentiality agreement which said we would not go to the press with what we saw, in exchange for this designer not calling the police on us.
Kerrie ended up dating a guy for less than a week. It started out sweet because she thought he was a nice guy. But weird things started happening. He sent a picture of himself smiling with the caption "I miss you" but she noticed photos of herself in the background. When she asked him about the photos, he said he had taken them from her facebook profile and had enlarged them to poster size for his bedroom wall. After asking him more questions, she found out that he had been creepily obsessed with her for more than two years prior, without her even knowing it. She had thought they were just casual acquaintances beforehand. She broke it off immediately. He was so outraged, he left a knife and a decapitated Barbie Doll on her doorstep as a warning.
While visiting her grandparents in Miami for two weeks, Kerrie became friends with a girl a few years older than her. This girl was a model (not famous) and dating a married man. This girl took Kerrie to a few clubs around Miami and they became facebook friends. A month and a half later, this girl was murdered after attending a Lady Gaga concert in Texas. It was national news. Kerrie was so creeped out, she refused to be home alone for a month after hearing about it.
I kissed a girl (and I liked it).
My gay best friend confessed to me that he's in love with me and wants to get married and move immediately to Santa Fe, where we will live happily ever after and have lots of children.
So...what is real and what is fake? You'll never really know. We'll never talk!
Oh, and this post is going to self-destruct in less than 30 seconds.
Kerrie and I can't wait until next year. ;)