Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

What's your poison?

I normally don't drink alcohol right after getting out of bed. But today is an exception.

It's 10 a.m. on a Wednesday morning, I'm unemployed, I feel like shit, and I'm fabulous.

I need a fucking drink. Right now.

I contemplated my usual gin & tonic, or perhaps a vodka on the rocks, or maybe a cosmo. But I decided I had enough ingredients to get creative, so I looked online for recipes.

Ummm...not all drink recipes are good. Sometimes you can tell just by looking at the ingredients something is going to be a disaster.

Below, I have listed a few of the most unappealing cocktails I came across. I finally decided on a screwdriver (seems more appropriate for the a.m.), so I won't be having any of these. But you can if you want! Hahaha!

Enjoy!



(Note: These are REAL. People actually drink these concoctions)


McDonalds To Go!

The Whiskeyburger

(Journalists at Esquire magazine came up with this mixed drink, which became quite popular amongst their staff. It supposedly tastes like an actual hamburger.)

Stir well with cracked ice:

3 oz ground-chuck-infused whiskey
2 tsp tomato syrup
1/4 tsp mustard bitters

Strain into small old-fashioned glass or cocktail glass. Top off with lettuce-onion foam* and garnish with a dill-pickle round.


Like cough syrup??

Robitussin


(This is an extremely popular drink, found on countless drink sites. Apparently people love the taste of this medicine...)

1 1/2 oz. Cherry Vodka
1 1/2 oz. Root Beer Schnapps

Stir, best without the rocks. Tastes just like the real thing.


Health nut?

The Lawnmower


(This drink was actually conceptualized by Homer Simpson on an episode of the Simpsons. It has since become a legitimate drink.)

1 Part vodka
1 Part Wheatgrass Juice

Mix 1 part freshly squeezed wheatgrass juice and 1 part vodka into a shot glass and shoot


The Worst of the Worst

Hemorrhoid Fever


(I found this one here. I'm...speechless.)

4 oz Bourbon
18 oz 180 proof Vodka
7 oz Blueberry Schnapps
6 cubes Beef Bouillon
1 stick Butter

Throw all ingredients into a blender, add ice to taste, mix and chill, serve.


So...yummy?

50 comments:

Melanie's Randomness said...

I wish I could like yo I'm coming over to join ya because I could totally use a drink today too. My drink of choice is wine. Sweet wine because I don't get hangovers. The Hemmorhoid fever sounds omg like it could put ya in a coma. I hope you feel better & your day gets a lil better Jen! *hugs*

Haute World said...

Oh ewww. the first and last sound the worst to me. There's something about a savoury cocktail that... well, just isn't right in my mind! Just give me a Mojito... I think I'll stick to the simple classics.

The Shanner of Attention said...

The last one almost made me gag. Ewwwww! Captain and diet is my staple. Yes, ma'am!

Josie said...

I'm not 21 yet but goodness, even I can tell that these are going to be messes. Yucccccck.
xo Josie
http://winksmilestyle.blogspot.com

mariahsmile said...

ewwwwww! Those sound so disgusting! The screwdriver sounds sooooo much better!

Julie (ROJ) said...

Not gonna lie Robitussin is one if my fave shots. Never heard of it as a drink drink though. Btw tried some leave in conditioner and it SAVED my hair!!! I was about the shave my head. LOL.

Vikki said...

The last one screams "puke" to my ears...ewww!!! Not even the name is appealing!

The first one sounds pretty disgusting to. Well, to be honest, they all do!
But you did an amazing job with all the funny remarks!
You rock Jen!

xxx
Vikki

http://stylometre.blogspot.com

Jaime @ La vie...J'aime said...

ewwww...whiskey burger? what is the appeal for that? lol

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Disgusting. The people who mix those drinks should be arrested.

I hope you're enjoying your morning buzz.

Since I started doing double-shifts on the weekends, I've taken to drinking in the morning sometimes. I love it.

Rachel said...

Okay, ew. Who the hell drinks that crap? They all sound gross, but then again I don't drink alcohol at all... So I suppose I just wouldn't get it. Hahaha.

Feel better, darling! Things will start looking up!

Sarah {Raving Fashionista} said...

Wow, those sound... disgusting! Oh my especially this burger drink.

xo www.RavingFashionista.com

Andrés Corella said...

haha..you just killed me with the last one..I would never drink anything that starts with the word hemorroids...I prefer my classic strawberry martini or a cosmo!

xx
Andy

Tights Lover said...

Yikes. Don't know if it's cause I don't eat meat or if it's because....i don't DRINK meat...but the whiskeyburger turned my stomach for a minute there.

I'm totally with you on the screwdriver. That is certainly the morning drink of champions (and for some reason I traditionally have one every time I fly...who knows why?). I steer clear of the bloody mary at all times...I can't figure for the life of me what the appeal of that drink is...at any time of day.

Venus In Virgo said...

Your comical sarcasm leads me to believe your a girl after my own heart, I just try to hide mine all the time ^;^ LOL! I loved reading this post, the Hamburger Cocktail-hahaha who drinks this? I hope you were joking about the screw driver at 10 am though ;) take care and do what I do, what for happy hour to get your drink on. Love ya XOXO

Sherin said...

I'm with you on the awfulness that is being unemployed.

Some of these drinks are crazy, lol. The Whiskyburger sounds hilarious.

BenchesandChandeliers said...

a cocktail that tastes like a burger?? eek!

www.benchesandchandeliers.com

David L Macaulay said...

There are days when I could drink most of these - always great to find a fellow Morrissey fan in the US.

ching said...

my goodness.. some of those were weird.haha

btd. said...

I admit, I do drink, or used to, A LOT. But these are some I definitely will not try! Definitely that hamburger one. Umm, eww? Lol! :)

JUST ME said...

If you DRINK a stick of butter, you obviously have a death wish. Or at least a masochistic streak.

Or are related to Paula Dean.

tanvii.com said...

I do not think I would drink any of them ... Also 'coz i only drink Wine. But you are funny as hell, Jen!

indianmakeupways said...

hemorrhoids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WTF,, the name itself is giving me quite a kick, would never want to touch tat thing!

Christopher said...

Your wednesday morning sounds way more interesting than mine. I love getting drunk early in the morning. Except that I always end up falling asleep by noon.

Audrey Allure said...

Ugh I can't believe people actually drink some of those those, I think I'm going to need a screwdriver now. lol

Pop Champagne said...

ugggh some of it sounds awful! lol and what is a wiskey burger that sounds nasty hahaha

Cafe Fashionista said...

Ohmigosh gross! I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. :P

A Lot Like Fashion said...

Love the recipes :) Might have to try these sometime ;)
XX

Follow my blog at http://fortheloveoffashionandotherthings.blogspot.com
Enter my big fat Sony Ericsson giveaway!

michelle_ said...

i think the robitussin one would be nice to try.. lol.. as i like cough syrupss.. the last one is pure gross-ness !

glisters and blisters

20 York Street said...

Babe, how about I make you an indecent proposal? As soon as I get off work, I pick myself up a very nice bottle of wine, cancel my festive plans for the evening and drink to toast you?

We can even chat online while imbibing, yes?

E... said...

The last one is very particular....

http://fashiondoesntexist.blogspot.com/

Damsels said...

im not a big fan of mixed drinks .most dont taste good to me . i keep it simple .jack and coke.

Jennifer said...

omg. gag me with a spoon! so gross

but so funny =)

the classic screwdriver is my drink of choice. second fav.. crown and ginger. if i'm feeling spunky - crown and water =)

Marissa said...

Eww! What's with all the beef-flavored alcohol? Who even comes up with this sh*t?

Hot Cake Fashion said...

What a lovely tought 'to wake up', wearing a silk robe a french barett and slightly messy stir yourself a cocktail..well, I'll save that for New Years:-good luck job hunting!Lots of Love/Alice

Elaine said...

I don't drink and these sound gross...

www.clothedmuch.com

Lynzy said...

HAHAH you are too funny. Sometimes you need a drink just to get outta bed :)


xo Lynzy
http://sparklingfootsteps.blogspot.com

SMASH said...

oh god the burger one is heinous. Beef infused vodka?!? No!!!!

BUT on a different note, I'm also pleased that we like so many of the same things! I also found those Koala cookies at a chinese grocery store and I kinda look down on people who are "too good" for Kraft mac and cheese ;)

xx
MILK TEETHS

Ellen ♥ said...

Great post! I agree with the last Hemorrhoid Fever! oh gasp!

ellenreviews.blogspot.com

belle Armed said...

Drinking in the morning is one of my favorite activities. How els is one supposed to get up?

*chameleon* said...

can i join u??:) few times i did similar-i took a glass of wine in the middle of the morning!:D

Savvy Gal said...

hm.... have a great weekend.

Kristin said...

I think I'll stick to my bubbly. HA!

OceanDreams said...

Hey...I might want one of those drinks too and hey, we can be unemployed together lady! xoxo!

Fashion Court said...

i highly recommend a white cosmo!

i mean..i'm 20, so not that i've ever tried one. but i heard they're good :p

Cheryl: Oh to Be a Muse said...

not only do the ingredients sound gross but they are so grossly named as well. whiskeyburger? ugh

http://ohtobeamuse.com

The Style Realist said...

ughh, none of those sound good..i'm a gin and tonic girl myself..

www.thestylerealist.blogspot.com

Sarah said...

I felt physically ill reading that last recipe - and I was a bartender for years! Worst drink I had to make was an Irish CAr Bomb - Guinness, Jameson Whiskey and Baileys Irish Cream Liquer - disgusting!

lauren lanza osias said...

you are friggin hilarious. you are allowed a sad drink every once in a while. but an actual delish drink. a santa baby. it's vodka, triple sec, grenadine, pineapple juice, cranberry juice and a splash of sprite. rim the glass in honey then dip in coconut. so freaking delicious. i got wasted at 3 in the afternoon on these ;) true story.

http://laurenlanzaosias.blogspot.com
happy drunken christmas...

Dina's Days said...

You are incredible! That's all I can say!

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