Have you ever reached a point where your biggest roadblock is yourself?
Last week was my year anniversary of unemployment. I have been jobless for more than 365 days now.
During the past year, I have been offered jobs which didn't make sense (i.e. being a political reporter where I would be working 60 hours a week with no overtime and no health benefits and earn minimum wage). I have been offered jobs, only to have them taken away from me before I start (i.e. "we just found out from corporate that we can no longer fill this position. I'm so sorry."). I have gotten my hopes up and my spirits have been crashed down.
It doesn't help that I'm part of an industry where millions of college graduates and millions of older people with experience are hunting in the same territory. I was a newspaper reporter for four years. Finding a job in my profession is like winning the lottery. I won it once, right after graduating college, so why should I win it again?
And now I have the opportunity to use my time doing something big. Something I have been TRYING to do for a year now: write a book. But I always get in the way. I'm so terrified that my hard work is simply not going to be good enough, that I don't even bother trying anymore. Does that make sense? I'm so scared of rejection, I start to shake every time I attempt going back to this project. I have pages upon pages of ideas and complete paragraphs and outlines. But I can't seem to put it all together. I can't seem to complete everything I want to say, even though it's at the tip of my fingertips. I'm too scared it won't be perfect enough for me.
And it's funny because I just typed this entire post in less than five minutes. I was able to pour my heart out so quickly to you.
...why is it so easy for me to write on this blog and yet so difficult for me to write for myself?