Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Boyfriend in a Box

Some of you may have heard about a new company that is creating fake girlfriends for guys.



In exchange for money, Cloud Girlfriend will create a fake girlfriend for a guy, on the social networking site of his choice, so he can look more attractive to females.

The fake girlfriend will write cute, witty comments on his facebook wall and post photos, to make it seem like a real relationship.

Sounds terrible, right?

Well, I have to confess...

I paid for a fake relationship myself 15 years ago.

When I was in sixth grade, I bought Boyfriend in a Box. Here is my story.

When I was 11 years old, my parents wouldn't let me date. At the time, this was very distressing to me. It seemed all the popular girls in my school had boyfriends. I was terribly jealous and felt left out.

One day I was shopping at Afterthoughts in our local mall and I stumbled upon a goldmine: Boyfriend in a Box.


(Not the actual one I bought)

For only $10, I could buy my very own boyfriend! The kit came with a photo of a blonde teenage boy with a cheesy grin and a card giving his "statistics."

It also came with a letter which stated this:

Hey special girl!
I feel so lucky to have a wonderful person like you in my life. I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time with you. I enjoy long walks in the park and eating chocolate ice cream.
Yours,
Chad


As soon as I got home with my new fake boyfriend, I immediately memorized all his stats. Chad was 16, he was 5'10", he had ash blonde hair, and he had green eyes. His was on the varsity boys basketball team and enjoyed surfing. When he wasn't busy being the most popular boy in school or getting straight A's, he enjoyed writing romantic poetry and playing the guitar.

As soon as I met my friends at school the next day, I made my announcement: "I have a boyfriend!" I proudly handed them the photo of Chad, who was looking charming in a neon green shirt and acid wash jeans. "We met last night at the mall!"

Their mouths dropped open. I told them all his statistics as casually as I could. I could see envy on every single girl's face. I'm not gonna lie, it felt good.

Soon, everyone was talking about my new relationship. I was instantly cool, having a high school boyfriend, rather than one of the scrawny 11-year-olds my friends were dating.

At lunch, I was plagued with questions about Chad and they all wanted to meet him. Unfortunately, Chad was conveniently flying to Australia that night for a surfing competition, I made up. Lying was such fun!

But soon it became apparent that Chad was causing a barrier between my best friend, Megan, and I. She admitted she was insanely jealous that I had a high school boyfriend now and her crush, Dan, from our math class wouldn't even look at her. She even started crying. I felt awful.



So, that evening I went back to Afterthoughts and bought her a boyfriend. I couldn't very well give her Chad, so instead, I purchased the African American version, Tyrone.

The next day at school, I gave Megan the photo of Tyrone and said he was Chad's best friend who had a huge crush on her. He wanted to be her boyfriend! I gave her all of his stats (varsity football team, sings in choir, loves dogs). Megan was thrilled! She was so happy! I managed to keep the charade going for a week, until I discovered something awful.

Dan, the math class cutie, had asked Megan to the sixth grade formal, and Megan had TURNED HIM DOWN. She wanted to take Tyrone! Horrified, I knew what I had to do.

I immediately went over to Megan's house and confessed everything. I told her about Boyfriend in a Box. I apologized profusely. I cried. She forgave me, but it changed things. Our friendship never fully recovered and I moved to Nebraska six months later. I never saw or heard from her again.

Well, one week ago I found Megan on Facebook. She accepted my friend request!

Excitedly, I wrote on her wall, "I was just thinking about you the other day and all the memories we shared from middle school! Remember that time I gave you a fake boyfriend? Hahaha!"

She has been on Facebook since but never responded. I guess time doesn't heal ALL wounds...

Anyway.

Moral of the story: Paying for a fake boyfriend at 11-years-old is funny. Paying for a fake girlfriend as a grown man is creepy.

56 comments:

Andrés Corella said...

Oh yeah its funny..I wonder if I would´ve done that..not that it would have been a very well recieved announce haha...But as a grown man is not just creppy but sad...I better be alone I´m happier that way xD

xx
Andy
The Black Label

Lisa said...

O M G

i just about died reading this!!!!! bahaha you crack me up!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

That is the cutest damn story ever!

Josie said...

Greatest. Story. Ever. I used to see ads for those in my sister's Teen magazines (yep, stole those suckers at the age of six and read them cover-to-cover -- not a surprise) and kind of wanted one. Like, desperately.
xo Josie
http://winksmilestyle.blogspot.com

Vanilla said...

Such a funny story :) I don't think i would have dared do that, I was so bad at lying ha :)

Love, Vanilla

Sarah said...

So funny! I remember watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch and wanting 'man dough' for ages after that episode where they bake their own perfect man!
x

Nicole✗✗ said...

I love that you shared this story it was sooo funny!! I had a friend who was always single around V-day so I bought her this sea monkey like thing called Grow a Boyfriend one year. She to this day hasn't grown him but treasures it!! So thankfully she wasn't mad. It's too bad your friend doesn't seem to feel the same. haha. I am worried about that website though...

jos xx said...

loved reading this!!! oh god, a fake boyfriend?
and you're right...for adults, it's def creepy!

jos xx

accessoryqueen! said...

awww, funny story! love it :)
Nat x

Haute World said...

I must say the fake girlfriend for social networkers is very very sad. Although it's probably even sadder that someone actually has a job that requires him/her to write cute witty faux messages (what's their job title??).

Your boyfriend in a box story did make me laugh though. I once 'invented' a boyfriend when I was in 10th grade, because this creepy guy in biology class kept hitting on me and I figured a pretend boyfriend would get rid of him (it did). It's a shame Megan never responded to your message though. You'd think that after all these years she would look back and laugh about it all!

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Oh the things we do when we're 11! Last line - so true! Don't be like the utterly hilarious picture!

xoxo,
Chic 'n Cheap Living

shooting star said...

i think faking it at any age is pathetic..it just goes to show lack of sel esteem..and while at the impressionalbe young age of 11 to 15, its still understandable..in young adults...its highly gross!!
but thats my personal opinion!!

Tanvi said...

Hhaha! You have the funniest stories to tell ... but the last = Pearl of wisdom :)

♡ from © tanvii.com

Shannon said...

OMG- I'm in tears over here laughing so hard. And I love that his name was "Chad." Hahahahaha!

love jenny xoxo said...

lol that is a great story!!! It's so funny to think about what totally make sense as a kid. I can' t believe your old friend didn't get back to you... she can't seriously be still upset about something so funny!!

XOXO

Movies on my Mind said...

This made me laugh.

Kristy said...

This was an amazing read! I pretty much died laughing mid way through, I totally faked a boyfriend once too - and a puppy! Also, side note some of my very best friends live in Nebraska, small world! x

myheartstumbles.blogspot.com

Leia said...

Oh man. I would have totally forgiven you. You were only trying to be a good friend! And this is *hilarious*!

P.S. Is this a true story or an April Fool's joke?!

FashionJazz said...

Loved this, such a funny and well written post! I will be doing a closet room tour this month on my blog- then you can see my stuff :) Have a lovely wknd xx

Bonnie said...

I love that your fake boyfriend ruined that girl's life.
Momentarily, anyway.
Bahaha.

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

JUST ME said...

If I were ever to write for the Disney channel, I'd write this story. It's adorable but also pretty fucking hilarious.

One girl I knew in HIGH SCHOOL claimed up and down that she was dating Nick from the Backstreet Boys. For years. It was so weird...she would even bring in things he supposedly "gave her."

She, crazy.
You, adorable.

Vivek Nanda said...

lol..that surely was hilarious..n you are right...matured men running for a fake girlfriend is really creepy!!

Tights Lover said...

Loved the last line of this post...hahaha. Although, with that 'stache, I'm sure that guy wouldn't need to pay for a fake girlfriend...just saying...

I love your 'boyfriend in a box' story. I can't believe Megan hasn't responded to you. You gotta look back at stuff like that and laugh! Maybe you should send her a new 'Tyrone'. Bad idea? Yeah...probably a bad idea.

ps. can't wait till you win the lottery!

Meri said...

Ha- this cracks me up. It reminds me of this weird retro game my sisters and I used to play called "the barbie game" that was I think from the 1960s, and the guys were like, "butch, poindexter, slick, ken" or something. You had to collect a boyfriend, a dress, and maybe money or something? And then you could go to the PROM. Every girl's dream.
I came over here from My Heart Stumbles, and I'm happy that I did. Can't wait to see what's next!
Meri
merigoesround.blogspot.com

Couture Carrie said...

Very funny anecdote, darling!
I love your stories!

xoxox,
CC

Adorngirl said...

this made me laugh out loud, shame your ex friend held a grudge this kind of thing would have just been a cool funny story to share, and laugh about, she obviously takes herself too seriously

Oh to Be a Muse said...

i didn't hear about this fake gf company--but it's not only creepy, it's also sad. (But I do love that movie!)

Shame on you! An 11 yr old girl dating a 16 yr old boy. High school boys only want one thing Jennifer! j/k! ;)

sorry about the lost friendship. you'd think she'd get over it after a decade!

Jaime @ La vie...J'aime said...

lol is this an april fool's joke post? lol.

Dina's Days said...

hahahahahaahahahahahah
Chad sounds like such a DB!

Miksu said...

hahah, sorry I'm laughing but I'm thinking my 11-year-old little brother... He's been through hard times because of girls... but romaces at that age can't be so serious, right? :D

Heather Taylor said...

Oh my god, I laughed so hard at this post! Boyfriend in a box, how come I never heard of it??

Rachel said...

OMG. I couldn't help but laugh reading this. For one, I have never heard about this fake girlfriend thing or boyfriend in a box. I think I could understand doing something like that at 11-years-old, but not grown men and women!
It's sad that your friendship suffered from it though. :(

Nikosmommy said...

Your cray-cray stories always entertain me....!!!
And time defo does not heal all wounds apparently!

Have a great weekend missy!

Fati said...

amazing. i think you were just born with the hilarious gene.
:)

Stephanie said...

Ha! This one really makes me laugh. I had my first crush at around 11...I still remember being absolutely heartbroken when he changed schools. If only I'd had a Tyrone or a Chad to cheer me up.

the queen said...

1. I am not sure how you kept that going as an 11 year old! That story is funny!!!

Alexa said...

Your story is hilarious...with a good point! I've never heard of boyfriend in a box...but living in Asia, 'buying' girlfriends are not unheard of!

www.cashmereandcandy.com

Julia, the Thanksgiving Girl said...

Wow, seriously? It's the first time I'm hearing about this website... Kind of disturbing and a little sad, but I can see how it can become popular... Sad. But I must admit I really enjoyed reading your story - love how you put it all into words! I guess most tweens and teens go though this kidn of stuff... Not nessesarily buying bfs, but feeling left out because of the whole dating drama haha Makes me realize yet again how happy and tahnkful I am not to be a teen anymore! lol

Samantha said...

Lol. When I was in 4th grade, this boy I liked started acting like a jerk so then I told him I had a new boyfriend. My "boyfriend" was named Zane and I made him his whole life story and told everyone. I ended up moving the year after, and the story of Zane left with me. Haha.

Thanks for visiting my blog and following me on Twitter! I think I'm already following you but I'll have to check. :o)

-Samantha

http://thisfashionista.blogspot.com

a woman's right to shoes said...

What a great story! I have never heard about this before, that you can buy a fake boyfriend/girlfriend. It is so true what you said; quite sad to do this when you're an adult.

chaoskontrolowany said...

Nice post;)

Imogen said...

I'm pleased you shared your story because I can relate to yout personal experience. Although I had never heard of boyfriend in a box and I thought it sounded crazy at first, I did bring back memories of when I was 11 and made up a boyfriend because I wanted to look cool. I pretended I met him at swim club and his name was Robert. Fortunately no one ever asked me for pictures and I was able to keep the story up for awhile. Its interesting you regained contact with your friend again after all these years, I have also had similar experiences with this as well.

Audrey Allure said...

Haha that's such a cute story. When I was 8 years old, I made up that I had a twin sister because I wanted a sibling (I'm an only child). I was forced to confess when a friend's parent gave me two gifts for my birthday. lmao

Cafe Fashionista said...

Haha! I remember Boyfriend In A Box. I was only about 6 when those came out, so I never had it myself; but it's a funny concept. Ohmigosh Lars and the Real Girl. I have been dying to see that movie forever!! :)

Vikki said...

Aww, this story is so cute! I am happy you and Megan have found each other again!

xxx
Vikki

http://stylometre.blogspot.com

Missy said...

ha so funny!

Missy
Blending Style, Celebs and Fashion
http://thefashionfusion.blogspot.com

btd. said...

Wow! I wish I knew about the boyfriend in a box when I was younger, but even so, I made up a few boyfriends myself! Great story. :)

Jack W. said...

I shall be horrified by that story for the rest of the day! Hilarious and scary at the same time, like a clown! No, wait clowns are just scary. THERES NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT CLOWNS. I need to cry and rock back and forth in the foetal position in the corner of the room now. Clown-Ridden Psychological Scars....

Jack x
fucktheseshoes.blogspot.com

Fatshion And Fattitude said...

hahahaha! i couldn't stop reading! this story will make an amazing movie...so funny. a grown man buying a girlfriend is sad. thinking about it though, do grown men really do that? wow.

My Republic of Fashion said...

Boyfriend in a box. This story is just amazing. You are the best story teller. Aghhhh, love it. I want a boyfriend in a box. That fake girlfriend thing is a tad weird though.

:)SarahD

Christopher said...

That's not at all what I was expecting when you said you had a boyfriend that came in a box. Totally expecting batteries to be included.

Melanie's Randomness said...

I think I saw a version of this a while back. Don't feel bad. I did the "He goes to another school" line but yeah never had a picture. I'm sorry things got so messy with the friend. Who would've thought that guy would have asked her out, but I think you were just trying to be a good friend with helping her with Tyronne. Maybe she doesn't know what to say? I'd give it time.

Oh last line...Yeah, definitely!

OceanDreams said...

Wow that really reminds me of that film and I feel sad for guys who feel they need to do that. I'd rather they get help with social skills if needed or hop on an online dating site.

That is too funny that you did that and I wish your friend would have forgotten, but you are right, sometimes child hood friends are hard to keep. A best friend I had in grade school was never the same after I started dating the guy she liked even though I asked her if she liked him and she said no.

Sabrina.M said...

hahaha great :)

XX Sabrina
http://msabrinam.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Wo I was suprised someone would actually do that. It was intresting and made me laugh a little. Although it sucks your friend never really forgave you.

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