Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

My Dating Disasters (Part II: The Mikes)

As promised, here are two other douchebags I dated:

Biological Clock Man

After interning at our local NBC station during college, I was asked out by one of the cameramen, named Mike. He was young and cute, so I said yes.

The date started out fine. He took me to a baseball game and we had fun.

It was when he took me to Denny's restaurant afterwards, that things got weird.

"I'm just going to lay it out for you," he randomly said, after we ordered our coffee. "I'm not looking for a good time. I'm looking for a wife."

Um, what.

"I'm 29 years old and in six months, I'm going to be 30," he said. "I want a wife and I want children, before I get too old. I don't have much time left. You're beautiful and I think you would be the perfect partner on my life journey."

"But, you don't even know me," I said, bewildered.

"We can get to know each other later," he quickly responded. "You don't understand. Everyone in my family got married before they were 30. They have kids now. I want kids. I want kids so bad. Will you please consider what I am asking you?"

I hesitantly told him I would think about it, only because he was my ride home and I was worried he was mentally unstable.

The next day, I left a quick voicemail on his cell phone saying I had decided he was too old for me and I didn't feel comfortable marrying someone who was going to be 30 in six months. I had been 21 at the time.

It was a mean gesture on my part, but I was pretty and skinny back then and frequently got away with being a brat.

The icing on the cake came a year later when a college friend of mine, Liz, and I were reminiscing about bad dates. We discovered that we had Mike in common.

"I went out with Mike after I interned at NBC last March," Liz said. "The date was going fine until he took me to Denny's and told me that he wanted a wife."

The Pesky Politician

I was sitting at my desk in the newsroom, when the phone rang. It was the mayor. "I hope you don't mind my asking you a personal question," she asked. "But are you single?"

"Ummm yes," I responded, in surprise.

"Well I have good news for you!" she giggled. "One of the council members has a crush on you."

In horror, my mind raced through all the male city council members. They were mostly ghastly-looking fellows over 60.

"Who is it?" I asked, fearfully.

"Mike!" She squealed. "Can I give him your number?"

Oh, Mike. I had forgotten about him. He was a pretty decent looking 32-year-old who was recently elected on the council. After getting clearance from my editor, I told her to give Mike the green light.

A few days later, Mike took me out to a romantic Spanish cafe for tapas. He overdosed on the charm and by the time dinner was served, it became apparent he wasn't my type. But I remained friendly and cringed through his lame jokes.

When he dropped me off after the date, he tried to kiss me. I backed away. But he grabbed my head roughly and stuck his tongue in my mouth.

"I bought you dinner so you kiss me," he growled.

I was stunned and incredibly upset.

I ignored all his phone calls after that date, even when he would ring my work desk up to 15 times per day.

Two weeks later, I had to cover a city council meeting for a news story I was working on. I avoided eye contact with Mike as he stared at me from his podium.

During the 15 minute intermission, a middle-aged woman approached me.

"You must be Jenny, the news reporter," she said, with a big fake smile. "Mike was right, you are very pretty."

She introduced herself as Patty, Mike's mother. He had flown her in from Las Vegas that morning so she could attend the city council meeting and meet me. He had found out several days earlier that I would be attending the meeting.

"Mike talks about you every single day," she said. "Sometimes for hours. He's very taken with you. But he tells me you're not answering his phone calls and he wants to know why."

I just stared at her with my mouth open.

"He told me how much you love shopping," she continued. "Maybe we could discuss why you're not answering his calls while we browse through the shoe selection at Nordstrom?"

I didn't answer. I was too flabbergasted.

The meeting resumed. After the meeting, Patty made another beeline for me and I ran.

I continued ignoring Mike's persistent phone calls for months until he finally stopped. He had been calling up to 20 times per day!

Three years later, Mike unsuccessfully ran for mayor.

So out of the four douchebags I've reviewed, which one seems like the biggest douchebag to you?


jos xx said...

omg!!! what the hell were these people lol? but it was fun reading your experience with them lol. Once I knew this guy who used to call me almost every day. ew. ew. ew.

the worst is probably the one who told you that he wanted wife and kids. that's mental.

jos xx

Couture Carrie said...

I can't believe that guy became mayor!


anhesty said...

ive dated idiots too. but helps to date them so that you know what you really want...

MG said...

I think Denny's takes the cake just because it is a fucking Denny's. Is that douche-fuck kidding? Christ almighty!

David L Macaulay said...

I love your dating disasters series Jen - too bloody funny. I mean if you are going to propose to someone on a first date (not generally recommended) why would you take then to Denny's FFS?

Asta said...

omg! that guy ran for a mayor! thoroughly enjoyed this post.

Andrés Corella said...

Douchebags..damn girl they were crazy...just crazyy!! The first mike.."we can get to know each other later" where was he in the times of ye ol´kingdom!..And the second one is a bastard.."I pay dinner so you kiss me"..way of feeling the politician cliche..also I think he got some mommy issues...I´m glad you didn´t end up`with any of them....the saying is very true..better of alone, than in bad sounds better in spanish ahah "Mejor solo que mal acompañado"

The Black Label

BlueVanilla said...

LOL! Girlll i know your pain! I have dated some I cant even speak about because I cant believe I even picked up the phone for them. Biggest lesson was just because their hot or drive a nice car does not mean there awesome! bleh guys are lame!

Hot Pink Day
Shop Blue Vanilla

Shannon said...

Ok, so I could imagine maybe one of these guys in your past, but all four?

Please tell me there is more!

Kavery said...

Yipes! What's wrong with these guys? How do they get it so wrong? The politician sounds more whacked than the first guy..if that's possible!

Bonnie said...

Your dating history is fascinating. I like that we have this in common.
It's like a backwards fairytale. Because you got a happy ending but not with any of these douchetardbags. That's a good thing.
I'm glad you didn't return the phone calls. He doesn't deserve it. What a weirdo strangeo.
It's like my dating history. But not. Because we're different. But kind of the same.

BTW, I'm on pain killers. If none of this made sense, that's why. So ...
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

The Odd and Chic said...

I loved these posts. So many men in this world to sift through to find the right one . . . I swear!!! When I finally find him, I am spoiling him silly (not too much of course ;-))!!


valncami said...

OMG! I don't know which one is worse! What a creepy guy to ask you to be his wife on a first date! AND he takes you to Dennys! and you being only 21 scary. I defiantly think he was unstable. And the other just a total loser! you should have bit off his tongue! GROSS! "I bought you dinner"

OH and by the way you are still pretty! i am not sure how thin you were at 21 but from what I can see you still look fabulous!

We also want you to know we moved to a new website and we hope you continue to follow and visit.
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Diego R. Wyatt said...

LMAO I've dated someone a ot like the Biological Clock guy...and the soon-to-be-mayor story was great.


Tara said...

nice post, love it ! :D

Tamara Nicole said...

Oh my goodness Jennifer! Where did you find these guys?! Lol I've never had crazy dating experiences like this one, I guess I had too many long relationships vs. first dates. Sooooo funny to read. Seriously.

AND thanks again for doing a guest post for me, you are amazing!

Meri said...


Tanvi said...

LOL @ Meri ...

And Jenny ... where do you find such losers! (well, I know at NBC, as you mentioned but I mean in a broader scheme of things! :P)

I guess it is a hard choice ... they all seem pretty mental in their own ways!!!

♡ from ©

Josie said...

Seriously, Jen, where do you MEET these people?
xo Josie

Leia said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I can't decide which one of these stories is worse!!! Okay, I think flying in his mother to meet you and discuss your relationship is significantly worse than um, desperate to get married. There are so many creepers out there!!!


FashionJazz said...

Lol I loved hearing your dating disasters, those guys are soo weird, lol. Cant believe that guy ran for mayor plus my boyfriends name is Mike :) Happy Wednesday babe xx

The Blonde Duck said...

I had a Mike #1. SEveral, actually. It's because I went to Baylor.

Mike 2 is terrifying.

BERMAXO said...

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Cafe Fashionista said...

Ooh, I love your dating horror stories (sorry for admitting that, by the way). It's funny...I've dated a series of guys named Ryan and Chris, and you've dated a series of guys named Mike...haha! :P

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Wow, unbelievable and talk about persistent!
I'm hoping none of these guys runs for office any time soon.

Chic 'n Cheap Living

Silver Strands said...

Wow Jennifer. Those are actually scary! If I had to pick just one ... ummmm ... I think the stalker politician is the creepiest. Yikes!

So anyway, I just found your blog and I'm already addicted (not in a Mike-the-politician sort of way). So I'm your newest follower :)

Dewanti Primayani said...

funny stories :D

Pop Champagne said...

wow sounds like a douche, good thing he didn't win for mayor or else he would have a bigger ego than he already has! and wtf i hate it when guys buy you something and expect something in return

Haute World said...

Wow, I just read both your posts and I'm stunned! You could be on your own version of SATC ;-) I've dated a few douche bags too, but none as bad as this. I almost feel bad for the biological clock man... I hope he eventually found a wife in a more traditional old-fashioned way (i.e. not via a first date). The politician is hilarious. He sounds like he would have stalked you as well, if he didn't have a day job.

Olga said...

I'm not surprised that he was running for mayor. It seems that he's a very persistent person after all :)

Sherin said...

OMG, you attract the crazies!! Lol, so do I though. Gosh, both Mikes sound mental. The guy wanting you to marry him was definitely mentally unstable.

Mimi said...

oh my goodness! those are some stories! and i also read part 1. wow. now i'm kinda scared to date... haha. ;)

anyway, i love denny's but not for a date. come on, seriously?! and he told you he wanted a wife and kids?! :O

<3, Mimi

erinj0 said...

OH MY GOSH!!!!! I can't believe the Denny's guy. I can't believe even more that he must pull that same "dennys date convo" on everyone he asks out. I don't know you, but I want your kid. Um. SO creepy.

Glad you got away from those losers!

Miksu said...

what the heck? Crazy guys. I can't do nothing but laugh :DD

Tights Lover said...

Not all Mike's are bad....I swear!!! LOL

I think Pesky Politician was the worst of the four. BCM was odd, no doubt (and who knew the restaurant of choice to discuss you future children would be Denny's??), but the other guy sounds pretty psycho. Did her really think 'I bought you dinner, you kiss me' and flying his mom in to accost you was a good idea?

ps. Thank you for the shopping breakdown from yesterday...that brought back some memories...hahaha!

love jenny xoxo said...

WOW!! crazy stories, but the 2nd one takes the cake for me :) I feel a little bad for the first guy because I know people (guys) kinda like that. But the 2nd guy, eww, don't feel even a little bad for him... just you!


Stephanie said...

Ummmm...that last one was seriously creepy. As in get-an-unlisted-phone-number-and-add-a-deadbolt-to-the-door creepy. Why are there so many creeps in politics?

Anyway, yet again something you posted made me giggle out loud: "I was pretty and skinny back then and frequently got away with being a brat." So funny. I've never gotten away with being a brat. Ha!

Kristin said...

Denny's dude...I mean WOW. What a weirdo!

Imogen said...

Wow this is incredible, what experiences. I'm just going to go and read part I now. The first experience must have been so crazy. It kind of reminds me of an episode of baggage with jerry springer where wanting to get married and have children immediately was one of the pieces of baggage. But you were only 21, how insane. Thanks for your last comment on my blog. I feel better now, it was just for a few daus where I wasn't so sure about myself.

Mallory In New York said...

OMG... Wow. I'm speechless haha.

Audrey Allure said...

Haha wow, I'd say the guy who took you to Denny's seemed like the biggest douchebag. I wonder if anyone ever agreed to it lol.

Ocean Dreams said...

I haven't read your other posts yet but this guy is full of it! Yikes and he asked you to marry him on the first date?! Woooow.

Mouthwash said...

O.M.G...I love that the Mayor called you and...giggled on the phone trying to set you up. I HATE the 2nd Mike and his freaky pathetic mother!!! DID SHE SERIOUSLY JUST TRY TO BY HER SON A GIRLFRIEND WITH SHOES?! I would have been like, Nordstorms?! B.tch, try Neiman's. Or Sak's. LOL. Just wrong. oh dear.


african girl said...

I really enjoy reading your post and it was a funny experience!
Mike is so obsessed with you that he keeps on calling you 20 times per day?OMG!what a man!Even me if I have a suitor like that I will immediately dump him out!