Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Monday, May 28, 2012

The Girl Who Made Me Cry

Two years ago, I had a rude awakening. Her name was "Nancy."

She severed our five-year friendship like it was meaningless shit.

Nancy and I became close friends around seven or eight years ago, when we were in college. I couldn't have asked for a better fit. She was sarcastic, intelligent, modern, and practical. Sort of like Daria.

We both adored Jane Austen. Our guilty pleasures included the same stupid reality shows. Our book lists held the same titles. We could talk for hours about anything and everything.

But Nancy brought out an ugly side of me. She loved to talk about her friends behind their backs. I would often find myself caught up in dissing everyone and everything.

She wasn't very clever at hiding her disdain for my life either. It was clear she hated my boyfriend, couldn't stand my best friend, and thought my blog was stupid. It wasn't uncommon for her to snidely remark, "don't post these on your blog" after I took photos of us together.

One thing I noticed about Nancy is that she never seemed satisfied with anything, especially her own life. There were certain girls she was desperate to impress--these boring, mildly attractive hipsterish girls with etch and sketch personalities.

I don't know why she was drawn to these people. It was weird, especially considering she already had a good thing going. She had interesting friends, she was dating a decent guy, and she had a close relationship with her sisters, something I always envied.

As if those clues weren't enough, I had other people telling me for years how much they couldn't stand Nancy. And I always defended her. I figured they were just jealous of a strong, independent career woman with a mind of her own.

Our five-year friendship ended one summer, when Nancy stopped returning my calls, texts, and e-mails. She eventually blocked me on gmail, facebook, and twitter. It was so completely out of the blue, I felt surely there had been a mistake. After all, it's not like I had done anything wrong. There was no fight. There had been no bad words spoken. I had actually just seen her at her birthday party a week beforehand and we had said goodbye amicably, promising to make plans.

But I was shut out. No warning. No explanation. No apology.

It was bad timing too. I was still mourning the recent loss of my grandmother. I had just been laid off from my job. I already felt worthless.

I e-mailed her, asking for a reason. She owed me that, right?

Nancy wrote back stating she didn't think we had anything in common anymore. That was it.

Five years of friendship. Five years of hanging out. Five years of sharing our personal lives together. Five years.

And after weeks of crying, months of licking my wounds, and now years of acceptance, I finally understand what she meant.

We never did have anything in common.

Because I'm not a bitch.


Mouthwash said...

I love this. No, you are not a bitch! She was so lucky to have you Jen!! YOu are so sweet, and so kind, and you always believe others to be kind and good until they prove themselves otherwise. Her loss. Her guilt. HER karma!


French Girl in Seattle said...

Wow! That girl was a real piece of work. Un peu psycho, non? My dear Jenny, it is going to sound corny, but I do think she did you a big favor by dumping you. Imagine dragging that girl for years. Oy. Sorry she did it so unceremoniously. You did not deserve it. Veronique (French Girl in Seattle)

Bunny Moreno said...

Oh Jen-I can really relate to your post (as always hehe). Something similiar happened to me with a college friend-she happened to be Trini and we were bday buddies too. She was also Hindu and so we bonded on all those passions we had-culture, religion, philosophy. I started dating my husband and she dissapeared. A while later I contacted her and she assumed I needed to be alone with him-she was wrong. I can have my guy and friends too. Anyhoo-long story short she was supposed to be a bridesmaid at my wedding and a few wks before my big day she called me bitching about everything and saying I was making the wedding all about me-which was not true-I couldnt care less what the bridesmaids wore or anything else-I just wanted to marry my guy. I told her it was over and I was finally done with her insecurities and jealousies. I think about her from time to time bc our connection was so strong or so I thought. Now I say good riddens to her. I say the same to you-good riddens to someone who couldnt love herself enough to love others. Good riddens to someone who couldnt be thankful for having such a devoted friend like you. But thank you to her but shes now made room for the rest of us to be able to call you friend. xox

Anonymous said...

i had a friend who was exactly like nancy...i still don't know why she left me....i guess ur right....we had nothing in common...she was a bitch and i was not....great article....

Swarnali said...

It might have hurt you in the beginning I agree but you did benefit by the break up. She wasn't worth your time or anything for that matter. But the whole thing could have been done in a better way. *hugs*
Great post as always.

Megan, The Frugalista Diaries said...

Good for you! I've had too many of these to count!

Josie said...

What a mean, mean girl. Who just drops someone like that? And furthermore, she sounds totally toxic. Good riddance.
xo Josie

Ocean Dreams said...

Hey love, I'm so glad I saw this post and I'm sorry for her horrible timing and that you had to go through this. You said it right though, because she wasn't happy with herself she wasn't happy about anything, including you. I had a similar friend a few yrs fact I think I remember us both going through this, and its interesting reading the details now because it seems so long ago, doesn't it? I think losing friends like this paves the way for new ones, ones that aren't bitches and ones that deserve your company because you are amazing.

The Grande Dame said...

Mmm, I had the same thing recently too, I guess 4 years of friendship really means nothing to some people. Sometimes you find out the hard way who your true friends are. xx

Sherin said...

Eugh, she sounds awful. We all have friends like that though: Never happy with what they have. They're the worst kind. And what an awful way to end the friendship.
You're much better off without her. You deserve awesome and happy friends.

The Dainty Dolls House said...

Too right, you're not a bitch!! That was down right cold what she did. Girls can be so mean to each other and I don't get why, everything out in the world is against us and we'd rather tear each other apart than join forces and take over the world!! I had a friend like this, she was evil. And she every so often tries to add me on Facebook as if we have something to say to each other. I added her once and she never spoke to me or replied when I said hello, so now I just hit no when I get a friend request. Karma comes back around. Being nice seems to be the hardest thing for people!! We rule the world really - the nice ones ;) xox

sofa said...

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Oh to Be a Muse said...

Haha, I love the way you ended that. You're right! You are so not a bitch. Funny thing is I had a friendship somewhat like this as well. We've been friends since we were 11 and I thought we had a ton in common, but I guess we didn't. Turns out, a lot of my friends didn't really like her. And one day last year she stopped talking to me too, out of the blue, so that was that. For some reason, she will randomly "like" my posts on FB, which I find to be annoying seeing that she hasn't spoken to me in over a year.
Great post, luv!

David Macaulay said...

tres weird - well I think believing your blog was stupid was a red flag - because it's not, of course.

sherene said...

I am so proud of you!!

TheRitzyFlapper said...

wow that girl didn't know what an amazing friend she gave up, but be happy you she isn't in your life anymore,you are a good person and you didn't need her drama one bit. you are a much better person then her. this post really got to me because iv had many similar situations like this happen to me with now ex-friends, the most recent was my very good friend i had met during a very hard time in my life, i was new to a school my freshmen year of high-school and i just transferred schools about half way through the year, i didnt know very many people and i wount up meeting her, she was lound (in the good way) and spunky, and really "didn't give a F#$%" in her words haha! she was awesome, i went over to her house the first day we met and we were like sisters from that point, she either slept over at my house or i slept over at hers, all the time haha! i thought i could trust her with the world. But... about 2 years into our friendship i introduce her to one of my guy friends and the in the end become a couple haha thats where everything gets really weird and confusing and one day i just get a phone call cussing my out and then she hung up. it was bad. but i just know everything happend for a reason :) oh and if she told me my blog was stupid i would have told her to stick her unwanted opinion where the sun don't shine! :P you are an awesome person and she just didn't have that in common with you :)

wishing you a lovely tuesday,
TheRitzyFlapper (Alicia)

BonBon Rose Girls Kristin said...

Good riddance! She sounds toxic and toxic people drag you down. Ugh. We have a surprise for you over at our blog today btw.: )

Shannon said...

YES! This story ended exactly the way it should have ended.

She sounded like a disease. One you could catch if you weren't careful.

Glad you're fully vaccinated. :)

Couture Carrie said...

Amen, sister!
Good riddance to her!


Alex said...

Seriously girl, I've had friends like this. I had a friend who told me I "changed" because I didn't want to go to NYC with her at 3 in the morning when I had to work the next day (or rather, that day?). Ridiculous. But you're better off without her :)

Barry said...

Is this the Nancy I'm thinking of? You're so better off without her!

Meri said...

oh good grief. Some people are so miserable they can't help but try to poison everyone around them and try to belittle them to feel better about their own miserable lives. I'm sorry that she hurt you but glad she extracted herself from your life so you could move on without that BS.

JoaNNa said...

Oh woman I totally feel you! I'm sorry that your friendship ended this way, I've been there too. But the thing is, it's her who is at lost, not you, because you're such a great person! :)

Elizabeth Victoria Clark said...

I had a friendship very similar to that, why are some women so crazy! You're better off without her! x E

The Glamorous Housewife said...

Best blog post ever. Wish I had written it. I am now your newest fan.

Thanks doll,
The Glamorous Housewife

A BRIT GREEK said...

Just read this.. holy s***! I can understand why some people severe ties/friendships, but at least do it gently and give a reason... this was just plain nasty!!!

p.s I just lol at the fact that you might just love MArmite as much as I do... you're a lucky girl to be sent an case of the stuff. Everytime I tuck into my jar I think, whens my next trip back to London! My BFF bought me marmite flavoured chocolate bar... Oh man alive it was goooooood!
She hates Marmite too, more for me and you and the lovers of Marmite in this world!!! ;)

PPS. besides you have more fabulous people/blogger buds in your life now anyways.

Arielle-HumblePieVintage said...

I love the last line. "Because I'm not a bitch". I can't believe someone would do that. Thank God she's out of your life now.

Iconista said...

Honey, I had a friend just like that. She dumped me and it broke my heart.
But I've not bitched since. x

Denise said...

I just found your blog and loved it!
I was going to comment on your latest post, but when I read this one, this was the one that caught my eye. And heart.
Cause I had a friend of 5 years, with whom I thought I had loads in common, and after all, thank God we had nothing in common. Ever.
You are so right, you are not a bitch, neither am I. That's why it's really better to be far from these women.
In my case, my ex friend, just like yours, badmouthed everybody and later I discovered, even me. She led a life that didn't fulfill her and she was always unhappy. She was aggressive and I don't know why I was driven to this "style".
But there were 5 years and in the end, when I was doing the things that apparently she wanted to do too, but didn;t have the courage too (like moving countries), she told me in front of mutual friends that "if she didn't have a son, she would have done the same as me". I told her that we all have choices, and having a son early in life was hers, and I had other choices, but I couldn't be blamed by that. What followed was a bunch of sarcastic emails (from her side) till the time I didn't answer anymore and thought it was much better for me not to have that "friend". You can't imagine what she was making up about me to mutual friends. (I can't tell here!)
So, glad you are away from that negative vibe, and thumbs up to your blog!

Gayatri said...

I used to have a friend who was EXACTLY like this. And when I look back, I see that I was a complete bitch too when I was friends with her. We stopped talking after I got married. She hated the fact that I was married while she was still single. I'm much better off now. And so are you!

Kim (A Very Sweet Blog) said...

Something is going on with her. Just know everything happens for a reason and for the best. Probably little words interchanged was best.

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