Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Monday, April 29, 2013

(kiss my shades)

He was fucking crazy.

It was what we loved and hated about him.

Will came wrapped in an emotionally broken package, carelessly stapled together with an over-consumption of liquor.

Almost everything that poured out of his mouth was fiction. He was in a rock band. He had his graduate degree in art. He was going to be famous.

I knew him long before we became friends. But I remember the minute it changed. We were standing outside Jonny's downtown loft one winter evening, sipping champagne and tipsily reciting lyrics from Hand in Glove.

"I used to hang out with Morrissey back when I lived in LA," Will casually told me, flicking a spark of fiery cigarette ash onto the snow-covered sidewalk.

I laughed at him. It wasn't true. But I didn't care.

"You're gorgeous," he told me seriously, looking into my eyes.

I smirked back.

We spent most of our nights running around town, chugging wine from the bottle and puking in alleys. We danced in neon-lit gay bars. We snuggled together, watching horror movies. We climbed rooftops for no reason. We were such an all-American pair.

The man with tattoos. The girl in the sun dress.

Lounging on the sprawling lawn outside the art museum one summer afternoon, he asked me to run away to St. Louis with him. It'll be fabulous, he said. We need to run away together, Jenny Bunny, it would be so fabulous.

So fabulous, so fabulous.

I laughed into the sky.

"So fabulous," I whispered, watching the clouds stare back at me.

A warm spring evening, we met at one of our usual hangouts. He was with a boy.

"I'm so in love," Will said, gazing at the cute curly-haired guy smiling back at him. "This is it. This is the rest of my life."

"When did you two meet?" I asked.

"Two days ago," Will said, dreamily.

I smiled.

They stayed together for more than a year.

At 2 a.m. on a chilly fall night we found ourselves at a park overlooking the river. Sitting on a rock.

"I love you, Jenny Bunny," he said.

I love you too.

"You're the most fabulous girl I know," he said.

You're sweet.

"Let's run away together," he said.


"Santa Fe," he said.


(But we stayed.)

It wasn't long before his life completely spun into oblivion. Drunk nights led to emergency room drama. His temper got out of control. He used people, especially his boyfriend. We all started to avoid him.

And the lies. So many exposed. What was real? What was fake? Who was he? Did he exist?

After a nasty break-up with his boyfriend, he moved back to his hometown, a few hours south.

He called me several times. Laughing. Talking. Lying.

And then we had our first and only fight. Bitterness was spit at each other. Goodbye.

We were out of each other's lives.

I thought I would never see him again. And I was right. I'll never have that chance.

Two days ago, his life was taken away as recklessly as he lived it.

And as I'm still trying to digest this reality, all I can do is think about those two words he always brought up.

Run away.


Laia herrero said...

Really well written Jen.
By the way, yesterday I watched the movie "On the Road" and thought of you, main character wants to be a writer and his friend pretty much as the boy you described here.

Kim Alston said...

Jen, I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say. I just feel he's in a better place. Remember the fun and good times. Despite the argument, you were still in his heart and vice versa. He just had inner demons that he couldn't overcome. He would want you to go on.

French Girl in Seattle said...

A lost soul... but also a very special person. You are lucky you met him, and got to spend time with him, before his life started unraveling. Well written. I am sad for you and your friend, Jenny. Veronique (French Girl in Seattle)

sherene said...

i feel you Jenny.. said...

I'm glad I paid a visit. Sorry it had been so long. I'm also sorry for your loss. This story is extrmeley touching and well written.

Be well, Jen.

David Macaulay said...

so moving - so sad. Well written Jen. sorry you lost your friend.

Vivienne Z said...

Oh Jen, it must have come as a total shock to you. He lived by his own rules, fascinating and bold. Remember the good times, hold on to the fun you had. Losing someone is always hard. This is written so well; I could feel the hurt in it.

Style-Delights said...

OMG, I am crying as I write this. Beautiful remembrance. So sorry for ur loss... hugs.

Imogen said...

Oh my, I was so impacted by this post. Thinking of you right now.

The Dainty Dolls House said...

Am so sorry doll, how sad. A shattered life. I hope you will find some solace in all of this. I know you argued, but I'm sure he still had you in his heart and let it all go. You will keep his memory alive in your heart sure to not blame yourself for the argument or anything, he wouldn't want that!! Life is so precious. *HUGS*

The Dainty Dolls House said...

Am so sorry doll, how sad. A shattered life. I hope you will find some solace in all of this. I know you argued, but I'm sure he still had you in his heart and let it all go. You will keep his memory alive in your heart sure to not blame yourself for the argument or anything, he wouldn't want that!! Life is so precious. *HUGS*

Chicago Chic said...

Oh this is so terrible, so sorry for your loss. Your writing is such a perfect tribute.

By the way, my new Shabby Apple skirt is set to ship tomorrow - I'm so excited about it. Thank you again for the giveaway.


Sherin said...

OMG. So sorry to hear about this! Hope you're holding up alright.

Couture Carrie said...

I am so sorry for your loss, darling.


Aimee P said...

Beautifully written/sad post
xoxo Aimee

Blond Duck said...

I'm so sorry.

Shannon said...

I'm so sorry. What an incredible story. I still have chills. I hope you are dealing with this okay...

Jamal Bennett said...

Well done

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Rosh S said...

Such a sad story. I am so sorry for your loss. But maybe its better this way. He will be happy now.

Oeendree Mukherjee said...

Brilliant Composition!!! Really enjoyed reading it!

<3 from:

Anonymous said...

I was hoping this was an awesome fiction piece you wrote. I'm so sorry :(

Oh to Be a Muse said...

Sorry for the sad ending to this story, but I was glad to have read it. You always meet the most interesting people.

Oh to Be a Muse
Shop Layered Muse

SJ said...

beautiful and eloquent. Did this really happen?

well I believe everything in life is for a reason, a good reason. Moving on with a smile is the best way to live life in every situation

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