Well, I spoke too soon.
Just when I had a tiny taste of happiness, my dad had to shatter it. So now I've learned my lesson. I will never let my guard down again. Happiness is not meant to be mine. Every time I let down my wall and start to enjoy myself, ugliness smacks me in the head.
I feel like I either did something bad in a past life or someone up there wants me to suffer.
And what kills me the most is that after my dad hurt me so bad, my mom wouldn't comfort me. She's so used to him treating her like that, she's numb to it all. Instead, she called this morning to sing her usual song: "When are you and Rian getting married? What are you going to do with your life? Are you going to be a newspaper reporter your entire life and make no money? Maybe it's time to start thinking about going back to school for something else. Your father is right. You need to start saving up for the future."
Gawwwwwd. I was so hung over from last night (drinking away my pain with an entire bottle of pink champagne) that I didn't even know where to begin.
First, I'm not ready to settle down and start a family. I am a 25 year old woman who up until six months ago was stuck in her dad's house with a 10:30 p.m. curfew. I want to experience independence before I settle down. Right now, Rian and I are simply not at that stage yet.
Second part: I already have a plan for my life. I love my job and if I can stay a newspaper reporter until I die, that will be fine with me. Sure, I'll make no money but I would rather do something I love for little than be even more miserable all day doing something I hate. But you know, if I get laid off this month, I will probably take any job I can get and then go to grad school in January. Maybe I will pursue a different career that ties into journalism, such as magazine writing, book publishing, public relations, or marketing. I have even thought about going into fashion. It's so up in the air right now.
But it just kills me that my mother keeps asking me these questions and I give her these answers but she never lets up. It's exhausting. What more can I say?
So here I am completely hung over and stressed and sad.
I am never going to be happy again.
Unless I win the lottery.