Wednesday, July 13, 2011
When I was a tween, my favorite magazine was Seventeen. And one of my favorite features of that magazine was the embarrassing moments section. I believe it was called, "Why me?".
Some of that shit was craaaaazy!
Well, I'm going to be honest with you. I know this is shocking, but even I have had embarrassing moments in my life.
I know it is hard to believe, since I am so fabulous and perfect and gorgeous, but let's be real: even I am not immune to awkwardness.
My heart is in your hands as I reveal my heartbreaking stories. Please be gentle.
The Wrap Skirt
When I was in seventh grade, wrap skirts were all the rage. My mom bought me a white one, but neither one of us could figure out how to wrap it properly. One morning, she triumphantly turned me around in the mirror to show that she had mastered the skirt. I was pleased. The skirt was adorable.
That morning, I rode the bus to school. I sat in the front row. The bus pulled up to the school and I jumped out of my seat. As soon as I stood up, my wrap skirt fell off! The bus got SILENT. Every single kid on the bus was staring at me with their mouth open. I was in paralyzed shock. I couldn't believe I was standing in front of 20 of my schoolmates, wearing nothing but a floral shirt and striped underwear. It was like being in a nightmare. I gathered up my skirt around my waist and ran outside, sobbing.
When I was in college, I had a massive crush on the hottest guy working at our campus newspaper.
He called me at home one afternoon and I was thrilled. He flirted. I flirted back. I was very coy. I was very cool. I was doing a terrific job of being sexy, which is unusual for me.
"I scored free tickets to the Jason Mraz concert tonight," he told me.
"Oh my god, I love him," I gushed, even though I didn't.
"Do you want to go with me?" He asked casually.
"I'd---" was all I could say. "Klwack. Sclawwwwwwk! Gaaaaalk!"
I was choking on my gum! I couldn't talk! I could only hack into the phone. In horror, I hung up on him so he wouldn't hear me gag anymore. I didn't answer his calls afterward because I was too embarrassed.
Later, I found out that he had called a mutual friend of ours to see if I was still alive. He thought I had died on the phone!
(Happy ending: we did end up dating for a year and a half...and he often teased me about that stupid phone call).
During my first week as a news reporter, I was asked to interview the mayor. I wore an elegant tweed suit and my nude Ralph Lauren pumps. I acted very professional and mature for someone only 22-years-old. The interview went extremely well. The mayor even commented that he was impressed with me!
After the interview, we shook hands. Then, he realized he had forgotten to sign a form and asked me quickly if he could borrow my pen, which I had already thrown into my purse.
I rummaged through my purse, which was filled to the brim. I found my nail polish, cell phone, hand lotion, wallet, keys, and my foundation. But no pen. Finally, my hands grasped it at the bottom of my purse. I triumphantly handed it to him.
But it was NOT a pen.
...it was a tampon. The mayor stared dumbfounded at the tampon he was holding. I stared at it. We looked at each other in shock. He awkwardly handed the tampon back to me.
"I'll see if my secretary has a pen," he said quickly, before giving an awkward wave and walking away.
What was your most embarrassing moment?