I HAVE SOME FANTASTIC NEWS! I'M NOW HIRING!
The position: my friend.
THIS COULD BE YOU!!!!!
First, let me tell you a little bit about myself.
My name is Jennifer Fabulous. I'm super cute! I'm a bookworm and film geek. I own more Chanel, Jimmy Choo, Prada, Etro, and Kate Spade than your average girl. I can get a little wild after a few drinks (i.e. jump on stage during a concert). I'm fucking awesome.
Benefits of being my friend include being tagged in facebook photos with me, listening to me bitch when I'm depressed, and enjoying alcoholic beverages with me (day or night).
This position does not pay in cash. Salary is:
-I will give you a shoulder to lean on when you're sad or depressed.
-I will always remind you of how pretty (or handsome!) and smart and fabulous you are.
-I will drop everything I am doing to help you get out of a jam.
-I will help you facebook stalk your crush, ex-boyfriend, ex-boyfriend's girlfriend, or boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.
Qualifications to be my friend:
-Must be FABULOUS!
-Must participate in a cultural lifestyle (including, but not limited to: art & history museums, ethnic restaurants, fashion shows, etc.)
-Must either enjoy shopping for clothes & accessories, or at least be willing to accompany me while I shop for these items.
-Must be able to converse somewhat intellectually on various subjects, such as current events, books, television, music, and movies.
-Passion for fashion, pop princesses, Disney princesses, bunnies, cupcakes, and champagne are a plus.
I will throw your resume out if:
-You are self-centered, self-obsessed, and genuinely believe you are the most gorgeous/intelligent person to walk on the face of this earth.
-You talk shit about me behind my back.
-You are a pathological liar.
-You are fake.
I am looking forward to receiving all of your resumes and cover letters! I am so excited to hire my new friend! Yay!