Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Journalist. Mother. Bunny enthusiast. Pop culture junkie.

Monday, August 22, 2011

I'm Hiring!


The position: my friend.


First, let me tell you a little bit about myself.

My name is Jennifer Fabulous. I'm super cute! I'm a bookworm and film geek. I own more Chanel, Jimmy Choo, Prada, Etro, and Kate Spade than your average girl. I can get a little wild after a few drinks (i.e. jump on stage during a concert). I'm fucking awesome.

Benefits of being my friend include being tagged in facebook photos with me, listening to me bitch when I'm depressed, and enjoying alcoholic beverages with me (day or night).

This position does not pay in cash. Salary is:

-I will give you a shoulder to lean on when you're sad or depressed.
-I will always remind you of how pretty (or handsome!) and smart and fabulous you are.
-I will drop everything I am doing to help you get out of a jam.
-I will help you facebook stalk your crush, ex-boyfriend, ex-boyfriend's girlfriend, or boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.

Qualifications to be my friend:

-Must be FABULOUS!

-Must participate in a cultural lifestyle (including, but not limited to: art & history museums, ethnic restaurants, fashion shows, etc.)

-Must either enjoy shopping for clothes & accessories, or at least be willing to accompany me while I shop for these items.

-Must be able to converse somewhat intellectually on various subjects, such as current events, books, television, music, and movies.

-Passion for fashion, pop princesses, Disney princesses, bunnies, cupcakes, and champagne are a plus.

I will throw your resume out if:

-You are self-centered, self-obsessed, and genuinely believe you are the most gorgeous/intelligent person to walk on the face of this earth.

-You talk shit about me behind my back.

-You are a pathological liar.

-You are fake.

I am looking forward to receiving all of your resumes and cover letters! I am so excited to hire my new friend! Yay!


MG said...

Pick me! Pick me! Ok, but seriously, all these losers don't deserve to call you a friend. You truly are fabulous, and you know that's no bullshit.

Couture Carrie said...

I would love to be your friend, darling!

Fun pics and qualifications :)


Shannon said...

you are too stinkin' cute. expect a resume AND cover letter heading your way. ;)

Silver Strands said...

haha ... I'll look forward to seeing your "pick" :)

Anonymous said...

I hope you don't mind, but I already consider us friends...and I am only friends with fabulous people and we all know you are FABULOUS!!!


jos xx said...

haha this is so good! i'm curious to know who will be the lucky friend!
is this some sort of paris hilton's tv show lol?

jos xx

Belly B said...

I wanna be your new friend!!!! I'm not that up to date with current events, but I'm sure we can make it work ;)

Belly B :)

Stephanie said...

Me? Please? I'm funny and kind and a pretty good cook. I promise that I'll only talk shit to your face.

(And I have no friends here. Zero. Unless you count my dog. So I really need this job.)

Tanvi said...

I love your sense of humor!!! :) I really really do!!!

I "AM" your friend ... Thank you very much! :P

♡ from ©

Mouthwash said...

YAY!!! I want to apply! let's go to museums, get drunk in their bathrooms, and then hit on the museum staff. It will be awesome. We can even have a conversation with a painting or two.



Andrés Corella said...

Oh well I´ll sure would want to participate but I am like a million miles far away haha...btw I left you and award on my blog be sure to pick it up!

The Black Label

Tights Lover said...

Wait a second! I thought I was...

Uh-oh. Did I just get fired? This is a hell of a way to find out. You'll be hearing from my lawyer!

Julia, the Thanksgiving Girl said...

This is fun!! Love the idea and love the qualities you look for in a friend and are willing to give back :)

Leia said...

I'm sending you my CV! :P


Vix said...

Me!" I'd love to apply, you rock! x

BlueVanilla said...

HA! Im IN! I love daytime alcohol drinks and im not a pathological liar!

Hot Pink Day
Shop Blue Vanilla

-E- said...

damn, i tick all the other boxes but i don't think i'm fabulous.

Sherin said...

Totally going to apply for this position!! Why I stand out: I too am fabulous. I will be willing to part take in all activities from Jumping on stage during a gig, to spending an afternoon at a museum.
I also have the ability to make anyone laugh no matter what situation.

I think I might re-pick up One Day. It started off amazingly, then I sorta lost interest. I stil really want to watch the movie though.

blonde girl said...

this position has my name all over it. do you want my application in writing or in email? :)


Francesca R said...

Me!! Me!!! My resume is on its way to you!

Cat said...

ha-ha ... this is cute! You are fucking awesome :)

❤ Cat brideblu

Lisa said...

i freakin' L-O-V-E this post!!! we're friends? right??? hahaha :)

Venus In Virgo said...

AWESOME! I so missed your posts while I was away. Looking forward to them. XOXO

Kavery said...

Wow, look at the competition for this postiton. Harder than applying for a job. But seriously would love to apply. Can someone who lives half a world away and isn't fake apply??

Sarah said...

I make amazing cupcakes!

The Blonde Duck said...

I offer pie.

Meri said...

I hope you are a blog friend, and maybe one day a "real life" (read: able to enjoy some champagne together) friend. Good luck with the applicants- I know you've had a rough patch in your past... make sure they are worthy!

Sylar said...

nice post :P

Sandy said...

I figure since you already love me I must be a shoe-in for the job lol.
love this post babe!

Style, She Wrote said...

Very cute post! We'd love to be your friends. xo style, she wrote

Josie said...

Consider me an official APPLICANT.
xo Josie

Bonnie said...

I win.
Know why?
And that's just how it works.
Now let's get together in person because we live close enough not to.
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

socialitedreams said...

where can i email my resume? i fit this to a tee! ;) your fabulosity + my socialite nature = AMAZING LIFE....let's doooo it

Vonnie of

janel said...

Ha ha! I really needed this post, thanks for making me smile!

Movies on my Mind said...

Wow, I seriously scored low on your criterion for what actually constitutes a best friend.

I always had you down as a fellow self-obsessed narcissist ;-)

Funny how you just can’t read some people.

Fashion.MakeUp.LifeStyle said...

Where and how can I apply!!! I want to be fucken awesome like you girl!!! I would love to be your friend...PLEASE????

<3 Marina

cristina petre said...

sending mine right now:))
nice blog, following!

Gayatri said...

Me? Next time you're in Chicago? With so many amazing responses I figured you can have one in each city :)

jill said...

obviously you should pick me. I have clueless memorized, and I am always game for random shopping excursions. if you like to dance on tables, you're perfect for me, too - I finally won't be the only one!

x. jill

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